A Tale Of Two Suitors
by Raging-Rambo-2006
Summary: After rescuing a young girl from her wrecked ship Rimmer finds himself falling in love with her, but he has competition as Lister also fancies his chances with their new crew member, but who will win her heart? Read and Review please, its my first RD fic.
1. Chapter 1

Deep space: The silence of the universe stretched forever, broken only by the sound of a small passenger vessel spiralling out of control towards a deadly asteroid field.  
"Hang on!" Yelled a young woman dressed in a black tanktop, army trousers and army boots. Her sapphire blue eyes were wide with fright, her long chocolate brown hair flew across her face as she steered the ship roughly to the right and began frantically pushing buttons on the control panel.  
"Rowan be careful!" Yelled the young brown eyed, red haired woman who was dressed identically as she was almost thrown from the co-pilots seat.  
Rowan turned to face her friend and smiled nervously.  
"Trust me Caz, When have I ever let you down?"  
Caz laughed nervously.  
"You haven't yet, but there's a first time for everything."  
Rowan laughed as she pulled the ship into an upward spiral in an attempt to escape the asteroid field, the ship getting hit by a few asteroids on the ascent as she did.  
"Shit," She cursed under her breath as sparks flew from the control panel.  
"We're gonna be okay, trust me I know what I'm doing."  
"I hope so." Replied a nervous Caz as she held on to the co-pilots seat for her life as Rowan pushed the ship int a downward spiral, narrowly missing several asteroids.  
"Cos if you make one wrong move we're mincemeat!"

"Lister what the hell is this?"  
Dave Lister looked up from his bunk where he had been sleeping before being rudely awakened by his crew mate.  
"What is your smegging problem now Rimmer?" He yawned in his strong Liverpool accent.  
"My smegging problem," Snapped Rimmer acidly, mimicking Lister's accent. "Is you. What the hell is your disgusting, odourous sock doing on my bunk?"  
Lister sat up blinking rapidly, swining his head over the side of his bunk he inspected the bunk below his own.  
Sure enough in the middle of the immaculately clean bunk was the offending item, a black sock with a hole where the heel was.  
"Oh great thanks Rimsy, I was wondering where that went."  
Rimmer grimaced in disgust as Lister jumped off his bunk and picked up the sock, raising it to his face he sniffed it and nodded before putting it on.  
"How the hell I put up with you I will never know." Snorted Rimmer, rolling his eyes.  
"You know you've become an even bigger smeg head since you were ressurected on that wierd planet we visited last month."  
"Trust me I'd rather have remained a hologram."  
Suddenly a loud siren tore through the ship, interupting the warring pairs argument.  
Racing through the corridors towards Star Bug, they found Cat and Krtyen already there.  
"What's going on?" Asked Rimmer.  
"We were just smashed into by a small ship that came flying out of that asteroid field, I've done a diagnostic check on the ship Sir, we've sustained minimal damage..."  
"What's minimal damage?" Asked Lister.  
"Merely scratched paintwork."  
Lister shrugged and turned back to look at the small two man ship screeching to a halt and hovering roughly a hundred meters away as Star Bug took off in pursuit.

"What the hell was that?" Screamed Caz through a cloud of smoke which was errupting from the main control panel in the ships cockpit.  
"No idea but we're in serious trouble." Said Rowan shakily.  
Despite Rowan's best efforts the ship had sustained some considerable damage to the life support systems, their oxygen supply had been affected badly and they only had ten minutes of breathable air left.  
"I'm sorry Caz." Said Rowan guiltily. "I didn't want things to end this way."  
"Don't give up yet, try sending out a distress signal, that ship we crashed into can't be too far away."  
Rowan jumped into action, pressing various buttons.  
"Distress signal sent." She said as steadily as she could manage, before a look of panic crossed her already sweating face.  
"What is it?" Asked Caz.  
"The amount of breathable oxygen left just went from ten minutes to one!"  
Caz slumped back in her seat trying to keep her breathing steady whilst Rowan held her head in her hands, ashamed and guilt ridden that her actions could cost her and Caz their lives.

Back on Star Bug, Cat's attention was drawn to a red flashing light on the control pannel.  
"Hey guys I'm getting a distress signal through, it's from that small passenger vessel that crashed into us."  
"How far away is it?" Asked Lister.  
"Just under a hundred meters."  
"Open communications channel." Said Lister as he steered Star Bug towards the stricken vessel.  
Cat nodded and pushed a button to his left.  
"This is Star Bug to...to...whoever you are, can you hear us?"  
Static filtered over the comms unit.  
"Try again." Said Rimmer.  
"Repeat this is Star Bug, can you hear us?"

Caz had already passed out in the co-pilots seat due to the fact the oxygen supply had been used up and Rowan was now barely concious.  
Her eyes flickered rapidly as she weakly raised her hand to the button that would open the communications channel but found the task impossible as the lack of air took its toll on her exhausted body and she also passed out.

"Scan for life signs Kryten." Ordered Rimmer, his patience was wearing thin.  
"Life signs detected Sir, however they are very weak."  
Rimmer nodded and turned to Lister.  
"How far away are we now."  
"Right alongside them now. Just preparing to board, I'm going in!"  
A huge smirk crossed Lister's face, hoping to rescue some young hottie who would see him as her knight in shining armour and fall madly in love with him.  
"Are you sure that's a good idea Sir." Questioned Kryten.  
"Having scanned the ship I have found that there is no air on board and the passengers are slowly dying."  
"Kryten's right." Said Rimmer grimly.  
"I'll go, Cat will take too long staring at himself in the mirror, Lister lacks the mental capacity to understand the term "straight in, straight out" and Krtyen you're needed here."  
Lister folded his arms angrilly across his chest as Rimmer left the cockpit.  
"Smeg head!" He muttered under his breath.

Rimmer stepped into the airlock and out on the spacesuit helmet as Star Bug hovered next to the damaged air lock of the small vessel.  
"Remember Sir," Came Kryten's voice over the helmets communictaion link as the airlock opened.  
"You must return quickly or they may not survive the oxygen depravation."  
Rimmer rolled his eyes as he stepped out of the airlock and squeezed through the hole in the side of the vessel and opened the door to the cockpit.  
Approaching the two passengers, who were slumped unconcious in their seats.  
"Kryten, what are the life sign readings?"  
"The co-pilot is already dead Sir, I'm afraid we were too late. However the pilot is still alive, but barely. If you return immediately we may be able to save them."  
Rimmer nodded and pulled Rowan from the pilots seat, scooping her up in his arms he returned to Star Bug.

Rowan's eyes slowly opened as she became aware that she was breathing.  
She groaned groggily, rubbing her aching head she blinked rapidly in the bright light of Red Dwarf's medical bay.  
"Sir, she's awake!" Said a voice she didn't recognise.  
Rowan groaned and shook her head as she pushed herself upright.  
"Well hello there pretty lady!" Beamed Cat as he jumped infront on her, filling her field of vision.  
"Whoa!" Screamed Rowan falling off the medical bed and scrambling back to her feet, her vision was still blurry but she knew a set of fangs when she saw them.  
"Careful Miss." Said Kryten. "You were straved of oxygen for quite a long time."  
"Who the hell are you?" She screamed again, wincing at the burning in her dry throat as she did.  
"My name is Kryten and this is Cat, may I enquire as to your name?"  
However before she could reply the sound of raised voices interrupted her and the medical bay door opened to reveal Lister and Rimmer arguing, this soon ceased though as Lister noticed a terrified Rowan watching each of the crew in turn, probably wondering who she could outrun in a bid to escape.  
"Oh great you're awake." Smiled Lister walking over to Rowan who still looked absolutely terrified.  
"Names Dave Lister, and that smeg head over there is Arnold Rimmer, unfortunately he was the one that saved your life. It should have been me ideally."  
Rowan raised her eyebrows at Lister in a rather offended way, causing Rimmer to smirk. However he soon stopped as he saw Rowan looking at him.  
"Yeah well thanks for saving me."  
Rimmer just nodded. "So who might you be?"  
"Rowan Redfield. So if I'm here where's Caz?"  
There was an awkward silence.  
"She was my co-pilot on my ship."  
"She was dead when I found you." Said Rimmer emotionlessly.  
Rowan's eyes widened in disbelief.  
"Nice one smeg head." Snapped Lister elbowing Rimmer in the ribs.  
"Sorry about you're friend Rowan. I'll show you to the sleeping quarters, you look like you could sleep for a week."  
Rowan didn't respond, her overwhelming guolt had silenced her.

Lister showed her to the sleeping quarters and found her a spare bunk underneath Cat's.  
Rowan flopped down and covered her face with her hands.  
Lister squatted infront of her and looked at her.  
"I'm really sorry about your friend." He said softly.  
"I'm such a damned idiot," Snarled Rowan removing her hands from her face.  
"If I hadn't been so stupid and properly calculated the distance to that asteroid field we could've swerved and avoided it all together and she'd still be alive."  
"We all make mistakes." Comforted Lister.  
Rowan said nothing, she didn't even look up as Rimmer entered and leaned against the bunks where he and Lister slept.  
"Who wants to help me wipe the smug grin off Cat's face when I beat him at Starship Racer in the AR room?" He asked breezily.  
Rowan sighed and laid back burying her head in her pillow.  
"Fine." Said Rimmer bitterly. "What about you Listy?"  
"Another time maybe," He said not taking his eyes off Rowan.  
Rimmer shook his head and left the cabin, if no one else wanted to help him beat Cat then he'd just have to do it himself


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next few days, Rowan managed to settle in to life on Red Dwarf perfectly and things seemed to brighten up for her as the crew saw her in a different way.  
She even managed to shock Lister, Cat and Kryten when she befriended Rimmer, which going by what Lister had told her about him was out of the ordinary for a loner like him.  
That was probably why they managed to get on so well, they were both alone and bitter at the hand that life had dealt them.

That morning Rowan was the first one awake.  
She yawned and stretched as she sat up and looked around the cabin.  
Lister was laid on his back with the blanket hanging off him while his loud snoring gargled as saliva dribbled down the side of his mouth.  
"Ew gross." Muttered Rowan with a shudder.  
Rimmer was curled up beneath his blanket with only the top of his head poking out from underneath, while Cat was sprawled out on the bunk above her talking vainly in his sleep about how he had given back to the world by having a "sexy arse."  
She giggled and shook her head, if Caz were alive to meet this bunch of misfits she'd have run a mile and not looked back.  
Suddenly the cabin door hissed open and in walked Kryten in a maids outfit, Rowan burst out laughing before she could stop herself.  
"Ah Good Morning Miss Rowan." Said Kryten, spinning round at the sound of her laughter.  
"Morning Kryten." Yawned Rowan as she got off her bunk. "Any chance of a hot shower? I smell like a curry house."  
"Certainly Miss Rowan, I'll show you to the shower room."  
"Thanks, I'm sure Lister dropped his Vindaloo on me on purpose in the hope I'd take my clothes off."  
"Lister's a pervert Rowan, you'll get used to it...nice boxers by the way!"  
Rowan turned to the source of the voice; a curled up lump on the bunk beneath Lister stirred.  
Rowan smirked. "Perfect timing as usual Rimmer."  
Rimmer pulled the covers from his head and propped himself up on his elbows as he gave Rowan a drowsy smirk, at least someone was in agreed with him about Lister's eating habbits.  
"Anyway I better hurry up and have a shower before Lister wakes up and tries to follow me."  
Rimmer watched her leave before turning to Kryten.  
"Keep Lister and Cat from going near that shower room until she gets out, especially Lister. If she thinks everyone on this ship has a one track mind..."  
"May I interrupt you for a moment Sir?"  
Rimmer raised his eyebrows.  
"I believe Miss Rowan is more than capable of dealing with Mr Lister and the Cat on her own. Why just yesterday she told Cat that if he kept staring at...lets just say her chest she would personally neuter him without anaesthetic."  
"Really?" Smiled Rimmer evilly, he was starting to like Rowan more and more, could he possibly be...nah, he was Arnold Judas Rimmer, he never cared about anyone but himself.

As Kryten left the cabin he found Rowan waiting outside.  
"This way Miss Rowan."  
Rowan followed quietly, her thoughts dwelled on Caz, she still missed her friend dearly and felt immense guilt about her death.  
"We manged to salvage your belongings from your ship, some clean clothes have been made available for you."  
"Thanks Kryten." Smiled Rowan, in a strange way she felt lucky to have been rescued by this bunch of misfits, but at the same time they weren't exactly what she'd have chosem.  
"Well I will leave you to freshen up Miss Rowan."  
"Oh Kryten," Said Rowan. "Just make sure Cat and Lister don't walk in on me."  
Kryten nodded. "Certainly Miss Rowan."  
With that he turned and left, leaving Rowan to have a shower in peace.

Cat was the last to wake up.  
"Hey good looking! What's cooking?" He beamed as he looked in the mirror next to his bunk.  
Looking around the rest of the cabin he saw Lister sat at the table having breakfast. Rimmer, Rowan and Kryten were nowhere to be seen.  
"Where is everyone?" Asked Cat.  
"Rimmer's trying to sort out that dodgy fuel pipe connection in the engine room, Kryten's around here somewhere, but I haven't a clue where Rowan's disappeared to. Rimmer and Kryten haven't seen her either."  
"Ah well, I'm gonna go make myself look absolutely fabulous."

Rowan exited the shower and wiped the condensation from one of the mirrors, looking at her reflection she sighed deeply.  
Her long brown hair hung in damp waves around her face, while her youthful blue eyes seemed to burn with hatered.  
Hatered for herself and hatered that she had killed her best friend.  
Turning away from the mirror she hadn't heard the shower room door open and Cat enter, dropping his towel and many hairbrushes he wolfwhistled at the sight of Rowan's naked body.

Rowan's terrified scream tore through Red Dwarf like a siren, making the entire crew jump.  
Rimmer, who was working in the engine room ended up banging his head on a pipe above him, Lister fell off his chair choking on his sugarpuff sandwich and Kryten dropped a bucket of hot soapy water on an already cleanly scrubbed floor.  
"Oh no, Miss Rowan!"

"Get out you peeping tom!" Screamed Rowan from behind the shower curtain where she was hiding.  
"I'm sorry!" Wailed Cat as Rimmer, Lister and Kryten burst in.  
"What the smeg is going on?" Laughed Lister as he noticed Cat cowering in the corner and Rowan hidden behind the curtain.  
"I had no idea she was in here!" Protested Cat.  
"Are you okay Rowan?" Laughed Lister.  
"DO I BLOODY LOOK ALRIGHT?" She bellowed angrilly.  
"Miss Rowan, I am so sorry..." Began Kryten.  
"You will be by the time I get through with you!" Screamed Rowan.  
"Okay, everyone out!" Snapped Rimmer, he had a pounding headache and Rowan's screaming was making it worse.  
Rowan remained hidden until the coast was clear before getting dressed and heading back to the cabin she shared with the other crew members, some heads were going to roll and she was the one wielding the axe.


	3. Chapter 3

Lister looked up from fiddling with his guitar as Rowan entered the cabin, he couldn't help but notice that her style of clothing was very similar to his own, only more feminine.  
He cocked his head to one side as she walked past him to her bunk, taking in her plain black crop top, baggy black jeans which hung perfectly on her slender hips, held in place by a black belt with silver spikes and a rather nice looking dragons head belt buckle, but what really intrigued him were her boots.  
They were calf high, leather with a row of six spikes up the front, silver flames and metal bracing on the front and back.  
"They're called new rocks." Said Rowan noticing Lister staring open mouthed at her feet.  
Lister turned his attention to her face and noticed that her hair had been straightened and pulled back into a pony tail so that he could clearly see her soft sapphire blue eyes.  
"Alright Rowan." He smiled nervously but dared not say anything else to her because Rimmer was in the room and he didn't have to be a genius to work out that he would be staring at him with a look of thunder.  
Rowan nodded.  
"Nice guitar."  
"It would be if I could tune the semgging thing in." Grunted Lister as he tried playing a few more out of place notes.  
"Even then he can't play the damned thing." Smirked Rimmer as Rowan's gaze fell upon him, she hadn't noticed he was there until he spoke. He was laid on his bunk reading an old vintage motorcar magazine.  
Rowan shrugged and sat at the table.  
"Pass it here let me have a look."  
Lister looked at her like she'd cut his dreadlocks off with a pair of garden shears.  
"I won't break it." She laughed.  
"Please do." Smirked Rimmer.  
Rowan took the guitar from Lister, placing it on her lap she started tightening and loosening the strings in turn, Lister leaned closer to her and scrutinized her every move, or was he staring down her top at her cleavage? She couldn't tell but she was hoping and praying it wasn;t the second answer.  
Even Rimmer got up off his bunk and sat at the table to watch, more out of wanting to see Rowan destroy Lister's most treasured possesionthan to see her fix it.

After a few minutes she pulled the guitar upright and handed it back to Lister.  
"There you go, try that now."  
Lister played a few well placed notes and beamed at Rowan.  
"Aw cheers, it's smegging brilliant."  
"Too bad." Said Rimmer icily, disappointed that Lister's guitar would live to annoy him another day.  
"Smeg of Rimmer." Snapped Lister, before turning his attention back to Rowan, looking at her all doe-eyed.  
"How can I make it up to you?"  
"Let me borrow it sometime, I've always had a thing for guitars."  
"Anytime." Beamed Lister as he grabbed her and hugged her.  
Rolling his eyes Rimmer left the room, however when the door closed behind him a small surprisingly genuine smile crossed his face as the strange feeling of affection towards Rowan resurfaced. He angrilly shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts from his mind, he'd been down that road before and he wasn;t prepared to go back there again.

Later that day Rowan was alone in the cabin so she decided to spend some time relaxing on her bunk.  
She put her i-pod on and flicked through the tunes until she found the playlist she was looking for and put her ear phones in, resting her hands behind her head.  
However just before she could get comfortable the cabin door hissed open and Cat breezed in looking grubby and unkempt.  
"That is the last time I ever try and help that ungrateful, fashion challenged, stuck up...idiot!"  
She raised her eyebrows and sat up, causing him to shrink back slightly.  
"Please don't kill me!" He pleaded getting down on his knees. "I honestly had no idea you were in the shower room."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head, sure it was okay to laugh about it now but she hadn't found it funny at the time.  
"It's okay Cat, all is forgiven." She smirked.  
Cat breathed a sigh of relief.  
"Anyway what's wrong Cat?" She asked, removing one of her earphones. "You're normally so happy."  
"I offered to help Rimmer fix the problem in the engine room and as soon as it went wrong he yelled at me and then he laughed when a pipe burst and I got covered in oil."  
Rowan sighed and sat up, she didn't have the heart to tell him she'd have done the same in Rimmer's position.  
"Tell you what," She smiled. "Have a shower and I'll help get you looking perfect again."  
Cat's face lit up like a christmas tree.  
"Really?"  
"Really?"  
"Thankyou!" He squealed excitedly, running from the cabin like he had a rocket up his backside.  
"Headcase." Laughed Rowan as she laid back and put her earphone back in, humming to herself.

About Three hours later Rowan was roughly shaken awake, she hadn't even realised she'd fallen asleep.  
She yawned and lazily opened her eyes to find that it was Cat.  
"I'm ready!" He smiled enthusiastically.  
"OKay, lets get started." She smiled plushing herself up off her bunk and rumaging through Cat's wardrobe.

Rimmer soon gave up trying to fix the loose fuel connection pipe after spending most of the day fixing Cat's botched up attempts, he'd try again later after dinner.  
As he walked through the ship towards the officers quarters where he normally like to spend some alone time away from everyone else a high pitched scream filled the air.  
"Not again." He shouted angrilly as he raced towards the sleeping quarters.  
Bursting through the door he discovered that the scream had come from Cat and not Rowan.  
"I love it!" Squealed Cat as he admired himself in the mirror.  
Rowan laughed and removed her fingers from her ears, neither of the were aware that Rimmer was stood in the doorway glaring at them like he was going to kill them.  
"Told you, black and silver go together perfectly, why do you think I wear it so often?"  
"Baby, I think I may have to kiss you!"  
"Please don't!" Laughed Rowan. "Seriously though, black dinner jacket with silver trim, silver waistcoat, white shirt and black trousers with silver trim, perfect combination."  
Cat squealed again and pounced on Rowan, squeezing the air from her lungs as he hugged her.  
Rimmer rolled his eyes and left the cabin, there was too much screaming going on and his head couldn't take much more.

Later on after dinner Rowan was entertaining Cat and Lister with her guitar playing skills.  
She finished another song to appriciative applause from her captivated audience.  
"Sure you can play," Challenged Lister with a cocky smirk. "Can you sing though?"  
Rowan raised her eyebrows and smirked almost evilly.  
At that moment the door opened and in walked Kryten.  
"Ah Kryty me old mucker, just in time Rowan's gonna give us a song."  
Kryten looked at her in what she supposed was surprise, it was hard to tell with him being a mechanoid.  
"Is there no end to your talent Miss Rowan?"  
Rowan smiled and blushed slightly.  
"Well what do you want to hear?"  
The trio looked at eachother and shrugged.  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. Typical males.  
"Okay you ever heard of a group called Within Temptation?"  
"Who?" Asked Cat and Lister.  
"Guess not." Muttered Rowan as she started to play the first few notes before starting to sing the first few lines.

"I'm dying to catch my breath  
Oh why don't i ever learn I've lost all my trust though i've surely tried to turn it around.  
Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away when you hold me in your embrace.  
Don't tear me down, for all i need  
Make my heart a better place, give me something I can believe  
Don't tear me down, you've opened the door now don't let it close."

Lister and Cat's jaws dropped open, even Kryten thought that he had a blip in his hearing system as Rowan continued her song.  
Not too far away in the engine room, the sweet melody of Rowan's singing reached Rimmer's ears, recieving his immediate attention.  
"No way is that Rowan." He muttered as he climbed out of the hatch he was working down and made his way back to the cabin, there was no way a tomboy like her could have the voice of an angel, even if she was the only female on board.  
Arriving back at the cabin he hung back from entering as he heard applause.  
"That was smegging amazing!" Cheered Lister, making Rowan blush.  
"Okay you get one more song and I'm done for the night."  
She paused for a moment, thinking of what to sing.  
"Okay this one is "Learn to be lonely" Caz always said it was my song."  
Cat and Lister looked at her sympathetically.  
Rowan took a deep breath and began the song.

"Child of the wilderness  
Born into emptiness  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn to find your way in darkness  
Who will be there for you  
Comfort and care for you  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn to be your one companion  
Never dreamed out in the world  
There are arms to hold you  
You've always known your heart was on its own  
So laugh in your loneliness  
Child of the wilderness  
Learn to Be lonely  
Learn how to love life that is lived alone  
Learn to be lonely  
Life can be lived life can be loved alone

Rimmer remained outside the cabin as he listened to Rowan sing, but as he listened the song seemed to affect him in a way he never thought was possible.  
His lip curled angrilly as he fought back the urge to punch the wall as it brought back memories of his unhappy childhood, growing up constantly taunted and bullied by his brothers, rejected by his parents.  
Choking back a sob he walked away before anyone saw him.


	4. Chapter 4

Rowan slept uneasily that night and it wasn't Lister's snoring or Cat's vain sleep talking to blame either.  
Sighing deeply she got out of her bunk and sat at the table, resting her chin on her hands. She sighed deeply and fought back a sob.  
The cabin door slid open and in walked a tired and dishevelled Rimmer.  
"Oh, I thought you were all asleep." He said as he pushed his toolkit under his bunk.  
He sat next to Rowan and smirked, leaning close to her.  
"Let me guess, Lister's snorings keeping you awake?"  
Rowan shook her head as she choked back another sob, there was no way she was going to cry infront of Rimmer of all people.  
Rimmer never showed any compassion to anyone but seeing Rowan upset seemed to change that, maybe it was because he was the one that had saved her life. He didn't know and he couldn't explain it.  
"What's wrong?" He asked, he surprised even himself at the lack of snide and harshness in his voice, even more so when he found himself putting an arm round Rowan's shoulder.  
Rowan looked up but didn't face him, her eyes were red from fighting back tears.  
"It's all my fault," She muttered feebly. "If it weren't for me she'd still be alive...I killed her." She choked on her words.  
Rimmer said nothing, he wasn't any good at comforting people, but it couldn't hurt to try. The worst Rowan would do was probably punch his lights out.  
Drawing a deep breath he spoke to her.  
"Were you two close?" He flinched expecting to feel Rowan's fist connect with his nose.  
Rowan sniffed and turned to face him with a raised eyebrow, had Rimmer just shown her the slightest sign of a bit of sympathy?  
She had never thought he was capable of such an emotion, but at the same time she was glad he had proved her wrong. It made a nice change from the usual barrage of hostility she was so used to.  
"We were best friends from the age of three, best twenty years of my life." She smiled sadly. "We even passed our pilots exams on the same day and brought our first ship together, she was practically my sister, my mother died when I was only a few weeks old and my father was killed when I was two. We were like eachothers shadows, always together. We had so many plans, she was hellbent on falling in love..." She laughed and shook her head, a small smile also played on Rimmer's face as he listened to her. "I never cared for any of that I was too focused on my career as an adventurer, I didn't want to be tied down."  
"Sounds like you had it all planned out."  
Rowan looked away again as a single tear streaked down her cheek.  
Surprising even himself, Rimmer pulled Rowan closer to him so that her head was resting on his shoulder. Resting his chin on her head he broke the silence.  
"If there's anything I've learned about life it's that it always has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it."  
Rowan still surprised by this new side to Rimmer managed a half-hearted laugh.  
"Consider my lesson learned."  
Rimmer smirked and sighed, he was just starting to relax when Rowan moved her head from under his and smiled at him.  
"Thanks Rimmer."  
"For what?"  
"Showing me that you're not all bitterness and hatered, that you do actually have other emotions."  
Rimmer blushed furiously but managed a smile.  
"Tell anyone and I'll let make sure you're eating Lister's disgusting vindaloo's for the rest of your life."  
Rowan shuddered at the very thought. "My lips are sealed."  
She smiled at him affectionately for a moment before kissing him on his cheek.  
He watched with a surprised look on his face as she got settled on her bunk and put her earphones in.  
"Rowan..."  
She removed one of the earphones and looked at him.  
"If you ever...want someone to talk to..."  
"Thanks." She smiled as she lay back and replaced her earphone.  
Rimmer exhaled deeply and left the table, settling down on his own bunk, he put his hands behind his head and looked over at Rowan.  
Had that just happened, had he actually just felt able to show her the side to him no-one ever knew existed?

The next morning for some bizarre reason, Lister was the first crew member awake.  
Jumping off his bunk he proceeded to rudely wake everyone else up.  
"Rimsy! Get your lazy arse up you smeg head!" He then proceeded to pull the blanket off Rimmer's bunk, revealing him sprawled out asleep in a pair of white shorts and a white teeshirt.  
He wasn't impressed with the way he had been woken up, but kept his silence.  
Cat however was more than willing to voice his protests at Lister's rude wake up call.  
"What the hell are you playing at man?" He shrieked angrilly. "You know I can't face the world unless I've had all my beauty sleep."  
"God forbid." Yawned Rimmer rolling over onto his stomach and burying his face into his pillow. However he soon raised his head when he saw Lister heading over to Rowan's bunk.  
"Don't even think about it Lister." Snarled Rimmer dangerously. "Just because you can sleep through a nuclear explosion."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"She was a bit upset last night, she's not been asleep very long so leave her alone."  
"She's okay now though right?" Asked Cat.  
"As far as I can tell." Replied Rimmer, refusuing to mention the deep and meaningful conversation they had shared the previous night.  
"I'll speak to her later, make her a nice vindaloo that'll cheer her up." Smiled Lister. "Come on Cat, we'll go find Kryten and have a go at fixing the loose..."  
"Not a chance!" Snapped Rimmer as he pulled the blanket back over himself and got comfortable. "I'll sort it later."  
Lister and Cat just looked at eachother and shrugged before leaving the cabin.

A few hours later and Rowan stirred beneath the blanket on her bunk, yawning she removed her earphones and sat up.  
Looking around she noticed that she was alone, no sign of anyone anywhere. That was until Kryten walked in.  
"Ah good afternoon Miss Rowan." He said as he started tidying up the cabin.  
"Hi Kryten," Yawned Rowan as she stretched and got out of her bunk. "Where is everyone?"  
"Well Miss Rowan, Mr Lister and Cat are in the VR Room and Mr Rimmer is still trying to fix the loose connection on the main fuel supply tank in the engine room."  
Rowan considered her options for a moment, the VR Room sounded extremely tempting, but Rimmer had been kind to her the previous night and she felt that she owed him a kind deed in return.  
"Kryten, I don't suppose there's a spare set of overalls lying around is there? I rather fancy having a go at fixing your little engine room problem."


	5. Chapter 5

Finding the engine room was easy, all Rowan had to do was follow the sound of Rimmer's angry curses.  
"Any luck yet?" She smiled as she looked down the hatch into the cramped space where he was working, his oil and grease spattered face head appeared a few moments later.  
"Well put it this way, I can tell that Lister and Cat have been botching things up down here."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "Want me to have a look?"  
"If you want." Shrugged Rimmer as he stepped aside to allow her to climb down the ladder. "Just be warned it's a bit claustrophobic."  
"Doesn't bother me." She shrugged.  
Much to Rimmer's surprise she found the problem almost immediately.  
"Okay here we go," She smirked. "There's your problem, the connections loose because the main pipe is bent slightly, so no matter how much you try and tighten it, it's going to remain loose."  
She turned to face Rimmer to ask for a piece of replacement piping, but froze as she spun round and realised she was almost nose to nose with him. He hadn't been joking when he said it was claustrophobic.  
Even Rimmer seemed unnerved that he was so close to Rowan he was staring directly into her sapphire blue eyes.  
Rowan was the first to break the awkward silence that had descended upon them.  
"Any spare piping?" She asked nervously.  
Rimmer nodded and shakily handed her a length of piping, he reached over her to cap off the main pipe as she unscrewed the bent section. He felt extrememly nervous as he leaned over her and who knew what was going through Rowan's mind as she felt him leaning against her back, his crotch pressing against her rear as he tried to keep the fuel pipe capped off so there were no more leaks. She must have thought he was a bigger pervert than Lister.  
Rowan however paid it no mind, simply putting it down to lack of space, to be honest she barely noticed. It wasn't as if he was aroused by it, which she knew damned well Lister would be if it were him behind her and not Rimmer.  
"Okay try that." Said Rowan.  
Rimmer released the cut off valve and tightened the connection, not a leak or blockage in sight.  
"I've got to hand it to you Rowan," Said Rimmer with a smile as he helped her climb out of the hatch. "It takes a lot to impress me but I think you've just managed it."  
Rowan laughed and blushed, thankful that Rimmer couldn't see her blushing thanks to her oil and grease spattered face.  
Another awkward silence passed between them as they simply stared at each other.  
"I...erm...I'll see you later, I need a long hot shower."  
Rimmer nodded and watched Rowan leave, he remained silent for a moment before running after her.  
"Rowan!"  
She turned round and waited.  
"I was wondering, would you like to have dinner with me in the officers quarters tonight?"  
Rowan's eyes widened, how could she refuse an offer like that?  
"I'd love to." She smiled.  
A huge smile crossed Rimmer's face.  
"It's nothing really, just a thankyou for helping me out today. Plus it's got to be better than Lister's vindaloos."  
"Okay, see you tonight then." Smiled Rowan as she walked away towards the cabin.  
"Oh my God!" She muttered to herself. "What the hell am I going to wear?"

Lister and Cat were already back in the cabin by the time Rowan returned from the shower room, Rimmer was also there having just put his toolkit back under his bunk, he headed out of the cabin to the shower room, giving Rowan a small smile as he left.  
"You okay now?" Asked Lister as Rowan started to rummage through her wardrobe.  
"Yeah I'm fine." She replied, not looking at him.  
"What are you doing later? I thought we could go and watch a movie."  
Rowan smiled at Lister, desperately wanting to see the look on his face when she told him.  
"Well, Rimmer's invited me to have dinner with him in the officers quarters tonight."  
Lister's jaw dropped so fast it nearly hit the floor and Cat just looked at her like she'd flushed a tin of high quality tuna down the toilet.  
"What?" She asked rather disgruntled. "It's no big deal."  
"Is it April Fool's Day already?" Asked Lister.  
Rowan narrowed her eyes, causing him to shrink back under her gaze.  
"Am I sensing jealousy Lister." She smirked.  
"No, I just...just...Rimmer?" He eventually gave up trying to protest, he'd been rumbled.  
"Would you ever consider, I don't know..."  
Rowan laughed softly.  
"Lister, you're a really cool guy, but you're just not my type."  
"I see." Said Lister sadly, feeling crushed he left the cabin.  
"Enjoy your date with smeg head."  
"Hey don't go all mardy with me just cos I knocked you back!" She snapped angrily as the door closed behind him.  
She turned to Cat who just shrugged.  
"Well if that's how he responds to being given the brush off I'm glad he's not my type!"  
"I'll see if I can calm him down." Said Cat as he left the cabin.

In the shower room Rimmer was busy getting changed into his officers uniform, he would normally have got dressed in the cabin but he wanted to surprise Rowan.  
He checked his reflection as he adjusted the medals on the left side of his jacket, the gold tassels attached to his shoulder lapels swayed gracefully through his every move.  
Finally he put on his cap, making sure it was straight, he nodded and left the room with a smirk on his face, Rowan was in for a huge surprise.  
As he walked to the officers quarters he saw Lister coming towards him in a huff, but before he could say anything Lister gave him a death glare.  
"Smeg off Captain Crud!"  
"Good evening to you too!" Snapped Rimmer, as he carried on walking he bumped into Cat.  
"What's his problem?"  
Cat shook his head and was about to carry on walking when he suddenly noticed Rimmer's clothes.  
"Erm does Rowan know it's formal dress for dinner tonight?"  
Rimmer smirked evilly. "Nope. Feel free to warn her, though I think when I specified officers quarters she might already have guessed it was a formal dress code."

In the officers quarters Kryten was busy setting out a table and dressing it with two wine glasses and a silver candle laborer, he then set about diming the lights so that only the candles and natural light from space were lighting the room, he finished by setting up a classical music CD on repeat loop and setting the volume so that it could just be heard as background noise.  
He looked up as the door opened and Rimmer entered, checking and double checking every move he had made.  
"I meant what I said Kryten, I want everything perfect."  
"It is Sir." Said Kryten. "I must say though Sir, this is all very nice, music, candles. May I enquire as to why?"  
"I'm having a guest tonight...Rowan to be precise."  
"I see Sir."  
"Well she impressed me today, not many people can manage that. She certainly proved that when she managed to fix the engine room problem. So I wanted to do something special to thank her."  
"I'm sure Miss Rowan will appriciate the effort Sir."  
Rimmer gulped nervously. "I certainly hope so."

"GOD DAMNIT!" Snapped Rowan as she slammed the wardrobe door shut.  
"What's wrong?" Asked Cat as he re-entered the cabin.  
"Rimmer's expecting me and I've got nothing to wear, I haven't even had a chance to sort out my hair!"  
Cat grinned and pit an arm round her.  
"Baby, you leave everything to me, I'll make you look so stunning it'll blow Rimmer's tiny mind!"  
Rowan laughed as Cat sat her down and started by straightening her hair with amazing speed she barely registered him doing it.  
"Okay, now brish this to the right...OW BABY I am a genius!"  
"Can I see?"  
"Not yet," Smiled Cat as he skipped over to her wardrobe and began rummaging through her clothes, he returned a few moments later with an elegant black knee length dress and black low healed shoes.  
Rowan's jaw dropped.  
"No way, I can't wear that!"  
"Why not?"  
"I'll never be able to pull it off, I'm a grungy tomboy not a sophisticated lady."  
Cat laughed and shook his head, gently brushing Rowan's fringe aside so he could see her eyes.  
"Just try it, you wanna impress Rimmer don't you?"  
Rowan drew a deep breath and nodded, Rimmer would probably be spruced up like a proper gentleman, what the hell would he think if she walked in there looking like she normally did, he'd laugh at her till he had no more breath left in his body.  
"Give it here." She said.  
Cat smiled and nodded with satisfaction. "My work here, is done!"


	6. Chapter 6

Approaching the officers quarters Rowan felt extremely nervous.  
So it didn't help when Kryten came rushing round the corner.  
"Ah Miss Rowan, perfect timing, Mr Rimmer is expecting you."  
Rowan nodded and took a deep breath as she stepped into the spacious room, her eyes widened at the sight that met them.  
The table had been laid out perfectly, three candles burned in a shiny silver laborer and the sound of gentle classical music was playing softly in the background, but the biggest shock was yet to come.  
"Rimmer?" She gasped.  
Sure enough standing near the table with his back to her looking out of the window was Rimmer.  
Rowan smiled warmly as she walked towards him, there was no denying that he looked handsome in his crisp white uniform.  
He turned to face her as he heard her approach, a look of amazement on his face.  
"Rowan? Wow you look..." He was so surprised he couldn't even speak.  
"If I look like Cat just say so now so I can murder him later."  
Rimmer laughed and put an arm round her, turning her to face the window. He smiled at the look of shock on her face as she saw her reflection, gently resting his head against hers.  
"You look amazing." He said softly.  
Rowan smiled at her reflection, she owed Cat big time for making her look this good.  
"You look rather handsome yourself." She replied as she turned to face him.  
She never really noticed his appearance much before, but now she did she had to admit she did find him rather attractive. Especially those big dark brown eyes of his, probably his best feature apart from his smile.  
"Shall we?" He smiled, offering his arm.  
Rowan's heart was pounding so hard in her chest she was expecting it to burst through her ribcage. She smiled as she linked her arm with his could she possibly be falling in love with Rimmer?

As the pair sat down, Kryetn re-entered the room with a bottle of red wine, causing Rowan's eyes to widen.  
She felt absolutely honoured. She'd never been wined and dined by anyone in her life, so she was finding the whole experience new but completely enjoyable.  
Rimmer had left nothing to chance, everything was perfect right down to the very last detail, he even pulled Rowan's chair out for her.  
He now sat opposite her, his cap next to his wine glass as he gazed at Rowan. He'd not had dinner with anyone for a long time, all the other officers were dead and he refused to sit and eat vindaloo night after night with Lister.  
"Wine Miss Rowan?" Offered Kryten.  
Rowan smiled and nodded, she'd not drunk wine in so long she wasn't even sure she could remember how it tasted. Everytime she and Caz had anything to drink it was always vodka or whiskey which they pinched from Caz's fathers drinks cabinet when they were sixteen, only after she turned eighteen did they allow her and Caz to drink red wine which they both became accustomed to, but they only drank it on special occasions, even then they always had too much and ended up getting drunk.  
Caz would've been so shocked if she'd been alive to see Rowan being wined and dined like a true lady. One thing Rowan always prided herself on was that she had a wild and untamable spirit, but for some reason she couldn't explain; Rimmer had managed to get to her like no one else could. Why?  
As they finished their meal Rimmer downed the last of his wine and took a deep breath, putting his cap back on and mustering all of his courage he approached Rowan and offered his hand.  
"Care to dance?" He asked raising his eyebrows hopefully.  
Rowan's jaw dropped open. Had she just heard him right or was she drunk off one bottle? If she was she'd let herself down badly from the ten bottles it normally took to even get her tipsy.  
"Are you trying to make me die of shock?" She laughed.  
"Why? Can't you dance?"  
Rowan's smile turned into a daring smirk. "We'll see then won't we?" She took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the middle of the room.  
Placing his right hand on her waist, her took her right hand in his left as she placed her left hand on his shoulder. With a charming smile he took the lead, surprised that Rowan followed his every move perfectly.  
The music increased in volume as they danced but the dim candle light and natural light from the stars outside remained the same, creating a clam and beautiful romantic atmosphere.

As the music finished Rimmer twirled Rowan under his arm and bowed, unable to keep the smile from her face Rowan curtsied before once again linking arms with him and walking with him to a seperate part of the officers quarters.  
The room they entered was about the same size as the banquet hall and had several poker tables, a bar along one side of the wall, several plush leater sofas with tables lit by their own small lamps and a piano opposite the bar.  
They sat down on one of the plush black leather sofas facing the window, allowing Rowan to sit first, Rimmer removed his cap and sat next to her.  
A moments silence passed between them, the only sound to be heard was the music still playing softly in the background.  
Rowan looked away towards the stars for a moment, still unable to believe what was happening to her.  
Rimmer looked at her for a moment before moving closer to her and taking her hands in his.  
"Rowan," He began as he once more gazed into her eyes. "Are you happy on Red Dwarf with me and the others?"  
Rowan smiled warmly at him before replying.  
"At first I wasn't so sure, but now...I'd say I can see myself sticking around for a while longer." She laughed and shook her head. "I just wish Caz were alive, she'd have loved to have met you all, especially Cat. She'd probably give him a medal for making me look like a lady, I haven't dressed like this since I was eighteen. Being ladylike was never my style, but growing up with Caz and her parents who were as posh as you could get I kind of had to."  
Rimmer smiled and cupped Rowan's chin in his hand, caressing her cheek with his thumb.  
"You look so beautiful tonight, I barely recognised you when I first saw you."  
Rowan blushed and looked away, her fringe once again covering her face.  
"I mean it." He said as she turned back to him, he gently brushed her long fringe away from her face. "I never thought in a million years you could pull off a look like this."  
However it was Rimmer's turn to blush at Rowan's next comment.  
"Yeah well, I had no idea you could pass for an officer and a gentleman, you've completely surprised me."  
Another silent moment passed between them before Rowan spoke again.  
"So what now?"  
Rimmer rolled his eyes thoughtfully, before resting his gaze on the piano behind them.  
"Well I heard you playing Lister's guitar, but can you play the piano as well?"  
Rowan smirked. "I grew up with Caz's posh parents, of course I can play the piano, I was forced to take lessons."  
Rimmer smiled. "Care to show me?"  
"Well what do you want me to play?"  
"What was that song you played the other night?"  
Rowan paused for a moment. "Which one?"  
"The last one, I don't know what it's called though."  
"My song, Learn To Be Lonely?"  
He nodded. "Why is that your song?"  
Rowan sighed. "Like I said, my parents died when I was still young and of course I didn't really fit in with Caz's family. They were posh high society and I was a little scrubber they took in and gave a home to, plus Caz was my only real friend...until I met you and the others."

Rowan stood from the sofa and walked over to the piano, Rimmer followed and stood next to the piano as she blew dust off the lid and opened it.  
"Will you sing it? You've got an amazing voice."  
Rowan smiled and turned back to the piano, she played the introduction and then started to sing.  
Rimmer leaned against the piano with a smile on his face as he watched her sing, she was so truly amazing he could barely find the words to describe it.  
Rowan felt his gaze upon her and looked up at him with a smile as she continued to sing, finishing the song she sat and watched as he came to sit next to her.  
"Any more requests?" She asked.  
Rimmer rolled his eyes thoughtfully and smiled.  
"The first one you sang."  
"All I Need?"  
Rowan smiled and started to play, turning to Rimmer she started to sing.  
Rimmer smiled and rested his chin on her shoulder, closing his eyes as he listened to her, his smile widened as he felt Rowan rest her head against his.  
Her nimble fingers moved over the keys as she finished the song and sat there for a moment, she laughed and shrugged her shoulder making Rimmer jump.  
"Were you falling asleep on me?" She questioned.  
"No." Lied Rimmer struggling to surpress a yawn, he soon smirked as he saw the unconvinced look on Rowan's face. "Maybe."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "Come on, you can walk me back to the cabin."

They walked back arm in arm, sneaking in they weren't at all surprised to find Lister asleep on his bunk snoring. Cat however was nowhere to be seen his bunk was empty.  
Rowan smiled and turned to Rimmer.  
"Thankyou for tonight, it's been amazing."  
She kissed him on his cheek and went to move towards her bunk, but found he still had hold of her arm.  
He gently pulled her back to him, brushing her hair away from her face he stared into her eyes for a moment.  
Rowan had a very good idea of what was about to happen next as she stared into his dark brown eyes, she could feel his warm breath on her face as he moved closer to her.  
Her heart pounded as Rimmer's lips touched hers, lightly kissing her before he pulled away to see her reaction.  
Rimmer's heart skipped several beats as Rowan pulled him back to her, putting her arms round his neck she passionately returned the kiss, deepening it as she felt his arms move to her waist. After a few moments he broke the kiss and looked at her with a smile.  
"So what would you say if I asked you to...I don't know...be my girlfriend?"  
Rowan smiled and pulled him back to her. "I'd say definetly."  
Rimmer's smile widened as Rowan kissed him again, neither of them could've been happier.


	7. Chapter 7

Lister was for some strange reason beyond explanation the first member of the crew awake yet again.  
He yawned loudly and scratched the back of his head as he looked around, a frown playing upon his features as he noticed that Cat and Rowan's bunks hadn't been slept in.  
The door hissed open and in walked Kryten.  
"Ah Good Morning Mister Lister."  
"Morning Kryten, you haven't seen Cat or Rowan have you?"  
Kryten waited a moment before replying.  
"Cat fell asleep in the VR Room, but I haven't seen Miss Rowan since last night, prehaps Mr Rimmer will know where she is."  
"Probably." Shrugged Lister as he hung over the side of the bunk and poked the unusually large lump beneath the blanket.  
"Smeg off!" Came the muffled reply.  
"Where's Rowan? Her bunks not been slept in."  
"What part of smeg off don't you understand?" Came another muffled reply.  
Lister tutted and jumped off his bunk. He pulled back the blanket on Rimmer's, his eyes bulged at the sight that met them.  
Rimmer was laid facing away from him in his usual shorts and teeshirt, but between him and the wall, clothed in a black crop top and boxers was Rowan. Lister couldn't tell if she was asleep or awake due to her long hair covering her face, but he could quite easily see that she was snuggled up against Rimmer's chest with her head resting under his chin and her right arm draped over his waist.  
"Wake her up and I'll hang you out of the airlock by your dreadlocks!" Snarled Rimmer.  
Kryten spoke before Lister could ask what most decent people would consider rude and inappropriate.  
"I trust the evening went well Sir."  
Rimmer grinned like a cheshire cat. "Absolutely perfect, couldn't have gone better."  
"Glad to hear it Sir."  
With that Kryten finished tidying up and left the room. However Lister remained stood where he was, arms crossed over his chest, hoping to hear why Rowan was in Rimmer's bunk and not her own.  
"So come on what happened?" He asked, trying hard to conceal his jealousy as Rimmer turned his attention to Rowan, gently brushing her hair away from her face and nuzzling her affectionately, before turning back to Lister and scowling at him in disgust.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about."  
"Of course you do man!" Laughed Lister, raising his voice. "Did you give her a taste of the old Rimmer Rod?"  
Rimmer's eyes widened so fast that his eyebrows almost shot up to his hairline, but before he could hurl any abuse Lister's way his attention was pulled back to Rowan.  
He laid as still as stone as she moaned softly and turned over so she was facing away from him. He smiled as he watched her, before turning back to snarl at Lister.  
"You are completely out of order to ask that and even if Rowan and I did, we certainly wouldn't discuss it with a low-life, manner challenged simpleton like you!"  
Lister's eyes widened, a lopsided smirk crossing his face.  
"I'll take that as a yes." He then turned to leave, glancing back one last time at Rowan, jealousy seeping into every corner of his mind.  
"Filthy minded little sewer rat." Snarled Rimmer to himself, however his espression softened as he turned his attention back to Rowan.  
He gently wrapped his left arm round her waist, pulling her closer to him. He rested his head against hers and smiled contently, closing his eyes and drifting back off to sleep.

"What the smeg is wrong with Rowan?" Snapped Lister as he and Kryten headed to the cargo bay in search of more supplies for the galley.  
"Why did she end up falling for Rimmer of all people, I'm telling you he's gonna gurt her, it won't last he isn't capable of love."  
There was an awkward silence before Kryten replied.  
"I know you and Mr Rimmer never see eye to eye, but I do believe that you expressing jealousy at his closeness to Miss Rowan is an extremely bad idea."  
"It's not right man!" Snapped Lister, kicking an empty crate. "She's gorgeous, talented and just totally amazing and who does she fall for? The most arrogant, smeg head on the ship!"  
"Oh I don't know about that Sir, I think Miss Rowan may a possitive effect on Mr Rimmer."  
Lister laughed. "Kryten have you been on that robo-alcohol again? This is Rimmer we're talking about, he'll never change."  
With that he stormed off to another part of the cargo bay, leaving Kryten to follow in the wake of broken empty crates that he seemed hellbent on taking his frustration out on.

Rowan's eyes slowly opened as she bacame aware that she was not alone.  
Yawning she looked around as she felt someones warm hand resting on her stomach, turning her head as best she could she smiled when she realised who the hand belonged to.  
Rimmer was still asleep as she quietly rolled over to face him, she kissed him and lovingly nuzzled his cheek as she placed her arm round his waist.  
He moaned and slowly opened his eyes finding a pair of sapphire blue eyes gazing back at him. He smiled and opened his eyes fully gently running the back of his hand over Rowan's warm cheek.  
"Hello beautiful." He smiled drowsily as she rested her head against his. "You sleep okay?"  
Rowan nodded and smirked. "Barely notice Lister's snoring anymore."  
Rimmer laughed as he continued to gaze into Rowan's eyes, still unable to believe that someone as talented and beautiful as her could have feelings for a loser like him.  
Suddenly the cabin door hissed open and in walked Cat, his jaw dropped when he saw Rowan in Rimmer's bunk while he was still in it.  
"Well hello there!" He grinned. "Some one had a good time last night!"  
"Better than anything I could've expected." Smiled Rowan, propping herself up on her elbows while Rimmer rolled onto his back and put his hands behind his head.  
"So come on what happened?" He shrank back slightly as he noticed the scowl on Rimmer's face.  
"Oh hell no, I just meant the actual evening. Did I do a good job of making her look totally fabulous?"  
"That was you?" Gasped Rimmer.  
Rowan smiled at him and nodded. "He didn't recognise me!"  
Cat's smile widened as Rowan adjusted her position so that she was laid on Rimmer's chest.  
"You want to know what happened? Get yourself comfy, open a tin of tuna and I'll tell you."  
Cat eagerly sat at the table, his gaze fixed intently on Rowan.  
"I'm hearing you on FM baby!"  
Rowan laughed and began.  
"Wellwe had a candle light dinner, wine, music, the whole works."  
"Arnold Judas Rimmer you charmer!" Laughed Cat. "Next thing you'll be telling me he asked you to dance."  
Rimmer shrugged and moved his hand to Rowan's head, gently running his hands through her silky brown hair as she continued.  
Rowan laughed. "Actually he did, and let me clarify that it wasn't my usual head banging, arse shaking, hip rolling type either."  
Rimmer's eyes widened at what he had just heard. "That sounds interesting, care to show me some time?"  
Rowan just laughed.  
"Then I showed him my piano skills, being raised by high society I was forced to take lessons, but I guess it's just something to add to my long list of talents."  
Cat smiled and stood up. "Well Rowan, I'm glad you two had a good time, which is more than can be said for doormouse cheeks, he hasn't been this moody since he and Rimmer swapped bodies."  
Rowan groaned and rolled her eyes. "Oh man, is he still acting like a spoilt brat because I told him I didn't fancy him?"  
"You what?" Demanded Rimmer sitting bolt upright, causing Rowan to slide down his chest and onto his lap.  
"Take it easy man!" Gasped Cat. "She told him she didn't fancy him, isn't it obvious she's crazy about you?"  
Rimmer seemed to calm down at this comment, but the harsh expression on his face remained. How dare Lister try and make a move on Rowan and try to make her feel guilty because she didn't return his feelings.  
Rowan sat up and folded her arms over her chest, giving Rimmer a harsh stare.  
"I'll leave you two alone." Said Cat nervously before rushing from the cabin.

Rimmer buried his face in his hands, he couldn't bare the sight of Rowan's disappointment bearing down on him.  
"Please don't look at me like that." He said as he looked at her.  
"I told him I didn't fancy him, I chose to spend the evening with you and to be perfectly honest I'm glad I did."  
"I know. Rowan I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap like that. It's just that..." He sighed and looked away from her. "Everytime I think I've found something good in my life, something always threatens to destroy it."  
Rowan's expression softened, she knew that feeling all too well.  
She gently placed her hand on his cheek, turning him back to face her.  
"Do you honestly think I would choose a scruffy, vindaloo eating, beer glugging pig like Lister over a smart, charming thoughtful guy like you? I'd have to be insane to fancy Lister."  
Rimmer's smile eventually returned to his face, even more so when Rowan hugged him.  
"So what do we do now?" He asked.  
Rowan smiled and pulled away.  
"Well, I think we should have some fun at Lister's expense."  
Rimmer laughed and smiled evilly at the suggestion, he had the perfect plan in mind.


	8. Chapter 8

Lister was walking through the corridor minding his own business when a terrified scream filled the air.  
"What the smeg?" He turned a corner and saw Rowan backing away in terror from, whatever it was that had caused her to cry out.  
"Rowan are you okay?"  
"It's Rimmer!" She stammered in terror. "He was in the cargo bay and a box of explosives fell on him, he's dead!"  
"What?" Yelled Lister.  
"That's not the worst of it." She continued. "He's come back as a psychopathic hologram, he's trying to kill me!"  
"What do you mean a psychopathic hologram and he's trying to kill you?"  
A moment later Rimmer came round the corner, Lister almost needed a change of underwear as he noticed what he was wearing; a checked red and white gingham dress with matching hat and blonde pig tails, army boots and a penguin hand puppet on his right hand.  
"Oh Smeg!" Gasped Lister, frozen to the spot by fear.  
"Mr Flibble says, "Hello again Lister!"" Said Rimmer in a scary low menacing voice.  
"How the smeg did he get that holo-virus back?"  
"Holo-virus?" Questioned Rowan.  
Rimmer took a menacing step forward before speaking again.  
"Mr Flibble is very cross Rowan, you shouldn't have run away like that. What shall we do with her Mr Flibble?"  
He raised the puppet to his ear and stared blankly at her, before his eyebrows raised.  
"We can't possibly do that, where would we find a room soundproof enough to muffle her screams?"  
"You leave her alone!" Yelled Lister stepping infront of Rowan.  
However his new found bravery soon turned to cowardice as the puppets eyes started to glow red and he turned and ran not daring to look back.  
"Lister you coward!" Snapped Rowan angrilly, although her anger soon turned to fear as Rimmer grabbed her in a headlock with his free arm.  
"Let me go!" She screamed. "Lister help me!"  
Before she could cry out further, Rimmer clamped his free hand over her mouth, muffling any further protests.  
Risking a nervous glance back, Lister saw Rowan being dragged away kicking and screaming.  
"Oh smeg, I'm gonna need help if I'm gonna save her."

Rimmer waited round the corner until he was sure Lister had disappeared before checking to see if he had actually gone.  
He then slowly released Rowan who immediately burst out laughing.  
"Oh man the look on his face was bloody priceless!" She laughed as they headed back to the cabin. "I never thought he'd react like that."  
Rimmer laughed and sat down on his bunk.  
"He actually thought I was a hologram again, what a smeg head. He really doesn't have a brain in that thick skull of his!"  
Rowan laughed and sat on Rimmer's lap, pulling the puppet off his hand she placed it on her own.  
"How do you think that went Mr Flibble?" She smirked at the puppet, Rimmer just laughed as she adjusted her voice to speak for the puppet the same way he had done.  
"I think it went well, your boyfriend was really convincing. You should do somethin special to thank him."  
Rimmer's eyebrows raised in anticipation as Rowan giggled before turning back to the puppet.  
"Well what do you suggest Mr Flibble?"  
This time she raised the puppet to her ear and made an "oh really" face before turning back to Rimmer.  
"Well?" He asked, a smile creeping over his face.  
Rowan smiled at him seductively and removed the puppet, throwing it up onto Lister's bunk before turning her attention back to Rimmer.  
She pulled the hat from his head, messing up his hair as she did. Not that he was bothered, he was too busy staring into the sapphire blue eyes to be bothered by his own appearance.  
Rowan stared lovingly into Rimmer's dark brown eyes before softly kissing him, wrapping her arms round his neck as she did so.  
Rimmer responded by pulling her forward onto him as he lay back, resting his hands on her waist he pushed her over so that she was on her back and moved over her.  
He may not have been a mind reader but he could hazzard a pretty accurate guess at what Rowan had instore for him.

Lister ran through the ship back to the galley where Kryten and Cat were stocking up.  
"Guy's I need your help!" He shrieked as she skidded to a halt.  
"Why what's wrong with you man?" Asked Cat, his brow furrowing. "You look like you've seen a ghost."  
"Worse!" Panted Lister. "Rimmer's dead, come back as a hologram and he's got that freaky virus again!"  
Kryten and Cat looked at eachother and burst out laughing.  
"Sir have you been eating cheese vindaloo again, you know what that stuff does to you. Remember last time you said that there were mutant killed rabbits on board and you'd fell asleep in the VR Room?"  
"Kryten, I'm not smegging joking man!" Snapped Lister. "Rowan and I saw it with our own eyes, she said a box of explosives fell on him."  
"That would explain that loud boom we heard earlier." Said Cat.  
"That's why I need your help, if we don't do something Rimmer's gonna hurt Rowan."  
"Are you sure you still not just jealous cos she chose him over you?" Questioned Cat.  
"Oh smeg the pair of you, I'll save her myself." Snapped Lister as he stromed out of the galley.  
Kryten and Cat looked at eachother uncertainly before shrugging and continuing to stock up.  
"Smeg heads." Snapped Lister as he stormed off to the weapons deck to arm himself with a bazookoid.  
"If they won't help me save Rowan, I'll just have to do it myself. They'll be sorry when I turn up dead as a door stopper."

"You are the most amazing person I've ever met." Smiled Rimmer as he watched Rowan change into a pair of baggy blue jeans, suade army boots and a black short sleeved shirt with shiny silver studs on the shoulder lapels and down the front.  
Rowan smiled as she tied her hair back and returned to him, putting her arms round his neck she kissed him.  
"We'd better go and see if Lister's okay, I can't help feeling sorry for the poor schmuck!"  
Rimmer laughed as he put on a plain blue t-shirt, blue pilots jacket, blue trousers with a gold stripe down the outer leg and black knee high flight boots.  
"Can't we leave him just a little bit longer?"  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "I think we've tortured him long enough, we can still have a bit of fun at his expense though I rather enjoyed seeing him scared to within an inch of his life. Plus if it teaches him not to be a spoilt little brat just because he's been told no, I'm up for doing it on a regular basis."  
Rimmer rolled his eyes thoughtfully as he took Rowan's hand in his.  
"Come on then, I can't wait to see the look on his face when we tell him it was all a joke."


	9. Chapter 9

Lister ran through the corridors of Red Dwarf clumsily wielding a bazookoid, his eyes wide and worried incase he bumped into Rimmer.  
"Rowan?" He called. "Rowan where are ya?"  
He nervously enetered the cargo bay looking in every crate and checking every open space.  
"What are you doing?" Asked a female voice from behind him, causing him to let out a high pitched scream and fire off a stray shot.  
Turning to the source of the voice he saw Rowan.  
"Smegging hell Rowan, you nearly gave m a heart attack. Are you okay?"  
"Yeah I think I managed to evade him for now, I think that holovirus took it's toll on him he's passed out next to his corpse, well what's left of it."  
"Okay, look Cat and Kryten are probably around here somewhere you gotta tell them what's happened they won't believe me."  
"I think Cat's in the boardroom, I saw Kryten in the main control room, he's offlined himself. Lister, just do me one favour please. Just promise me you won't hurt Rimmer."  
"I promise." Smiled Lister as he ran off through the cargo bay.  
Rowan laughed and went back out to where Rimmer was stood waiting.  
"Well?" He asked, unable to keep the smirk from his face.  
"He's such a schmuck, he thinks you're passed out next to your mutilated corpse."  
Rimmer laughed and put his arm round her shoulder as they left the cargo bay and made their way to the boardroom.  
As Lister turned the next corner looking in the next row of crates, expecting to find Rimmer's corpse something finally clicked in his mind.  
"Hang on." He said to himself. "There aren't any explosives onboard."

Cat sat in a chair at the boardroom table with a plate of fish, greedily munching it down like it was his last meal. He didn't notice Rowan and Rimmer enter the room until Rowan pulled his plate away and told him off.  
"I don't know who's worse you or Lister."  
Cat pouted and batted his eyes at her pleadingly.  
"Fish." He said in a quiet voice, like a toddler being told off by its parent.  
Rowan laughed and returned his plate.  
"You seen that gimboid Lister today?" Asked Rimmer as he sat down.  
"Yeah, he's been acting really wierd." Said Cat with a frown as he finished his fish.  
"How so?" Asked Rowan, trying not to smirk as she sat on Rimmer's lap, putting her right arm round his shoulders.  
"He came running into the galley and told me and Kryten that Rimmer was dead, had that wierd holo-virus we encountered a few years ago and that he was trying to kill you."  
Rowan's brow furrowed as she and Rimmer looked at eachother, they then turned to look at Cat with bewilderment.  
"Okay. Why would he say that?" Asked Rimmer. "I'm still alive, at least I think I am and why the hell would I try and kill Rowan?"  
"I dunno, me and Kryten just thought he'd been eating cheese vindaloo again."  
Rowan laughed and buried her head in Rimmer's shoulder, she couldn't keep up the pretense any longer.  
Rimmer just sat and tried to look innocent, but Cat saw right through him.  
"Okay, spill it you two I want all the gory details."

Lister walked towards the boardroom, hearing laughter he hung back and peered through the doorway.  
"Rowan Redfield you are evil!" Scolded Cat waggling a finger at her in mock disgust.  
Rowan looked at Rimmer with a look of offense.  
"Did you hear what he just called me?" She asked trying to sound innocent.  
"Aw come here, I know you're not evil..." He soothed pulling her head onto his shoulder and stroking her hair, a smirk crossed his face as he spoke again.  
"You're still learning from the master!"  
Rowan's eyes widened and she pulled her head up giving Rimmer a deathglare. "Excuse me MASTER, who's idea was it to torture Lister in the first place?"  
Rimmer smiled and took her chin in his hand. "Who couldn't help feeling sorry for him?"  
Rowan rolled her eyes thoughtfully, before replying. "Okay point proven you win this round."  
"Thankyou." Smiled Rimmer as he pulled Rowan's face closer to his and kissing her.  
"So what happened?" Asked Cat leaning forward on the desk.  
"I'll tell you what happened, I was made to feel like a complete and utter smeghead!"  
All eyes turned to the door.  
"Hi Lister." She smiled innocently, biting her tongue to stop her laughing.  
"Don't you "Hi Lister" Me!" He snapped dropping the bazookoid and marching over to where the trio were sat.  
"I thought Rimmer was dead and that your life was in danger, how could you do that to me?"  
Rowan stood up and stood face to face with him, a look of anger on her face.  
"Can't you take a joke?"  
"What you did wasn't a joke, you really hurt my feelings."  
"What like you trying to hurt my feelings when I tried to let you down gently and you stormed off?"  
"Erm...guys..." Said Cat, but his words feel on deaf ears.  
"Why Rimmer though? Of all people why him?"  
"Guys..."  
"You have a serious jealousy problem Lister, no wonder Kochanski couldn't wait to get away from you!"  
"Guys...I really don't think..."  
"What did you just say?" Said Lister his eyes narrowing dangerously.  
"What you didn't hear me?" Replied Rowan folding her arms.  
By now even Rimmer was starting to wonder if he should try and help Cat break up the warring pair.  
"No I heard you, I dare you to say it again."  
"Rowan, Lister..." Said Cat raising his voice.  
"Kochanski dumped you and you can't handle rejection."  
"Why you little..."  
"Enough!" Yelled Rimmer standing up, getting Rowan and Lister's immediate attention.  
"Lister, get over it, Rowan doesn't have feelings for you."  
"Oh you're loving this aren't you?" Laughed Lister. "You only want her because I have feelings for her."  
That was the final straw, Rowan raised her right hand balling it into a fist she punched Lister so hard she knocked him to the ground before leaving the room, Rimmer racing after her.  
"Nice going monkey boy." Said Cat bitterly as he also left the room, leaving Lister nursing his swollen eye.

"Rowan wait." Yelled Rimmer, catching up with her.  
Rowan turned round to face him, she was still seething with anger at Lister's words.  
"He's not going to be happy unless he splits us up is he?" She said bitterly.  
"I won't let that happen." Said Rimmer putting his hands on Rowan's shoulders, a worried look crossing his face as she shrugged off his touch.  
"I'm sorry, I can't stay and let him ruin things between us. I think it's best if I leave."  
Rimmer swallowed hard, he couldn't believe he was hearing this.  
Rowan looked at him guilt ridden. "I can't keep doing this. Everyone I get close to or care about gets hurt, I refuse to put you through that."  
"Don't do this to me," Begged Rimmer. "I love you."  
She turned away fighting back tears. He just had to say it didn't he, he just had to make the situation ten times worse by saying those three little words.  
She wanted desperately to tell him that she felt the same way, but the words pushed aside by her immense guilt.  
"I'm sorry Rimmer."  
Rimmer shook his head angrilly and turned on his heel walking away, he pushed roughly past Cat, who looked at him in shock before turning his attention to Rowan.  
"What happened?" Asked Cat turning Rowan to face him, his concern for his friend rising as he saw the tears that flooded her sapphire blue eyes.  
"I've ended it," She sobbed. "Lister's got what he wanted, I've broken up with Rimmer."


	10. Chapter 10

"You did what?" Shrieked Cat grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to look at him.  
"Have you gone crazy? Why the hell have you done that?"  
Tears rolled down Rowan's cheeks as she looked at him.  
"Because I love him and I can't stand the thought of hurting him."

Lister examined his swollen eye in the mirror next to the bunks where he and Rimmer slept, Rowan had one hell of a right hook.  
Suddenly the cabin door opened and in walked Rimmer, his eyes were red from fighting back tears as he spun Lister round and punched him, knocking him to the ground.  
"She's dumped me!" He yelled as he grabbed Lister's collar and banged his head off the floor. "She's leaving me, are you happy now?"  
"Rimmer what the smeg?" Gasped Lister as his hands went to his face.  
"Of course you're happy, because now you can make a move on her!"  
Lister staggered to his feet and stared at Rimmer.  
"Feeling better now?" He asked, before shaking his head and looking at his bunkmate in shock. "Did you just say she dumped you?"  
Rimmer raised his head, tears rolled down his cheeks as he deathglared Lister.  
"Yes, she dumped me and she's planning on leaving me altogether."  
Lister shook his head and sat on Rimmer's bunk, burrying his head in his hands.  
"Oh no, what have I done. Rimmer, I didn't want it to play out like this."  
"No you wanted it so that if you couldn't be with her then niether could I. Well congratulations, she doesn't want to be with me anymore. The one person I've ever loved and now I've lost her."  
He yelled frustratedly, the sound muffled by his pillow covering his face.  
Lister shook his head angrilly, but his expression soon changed as he looked at Rimmer.  
"What did you just say?"  
"You heard me." Came Rimmer's muffled reply. "I said I love her."  
Lister jumped off up the bunk and ran out of the cabin.

Rowan stood on the observation deck staring into space. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she reminisced about her time on Red Dwarf and how hard it was going to be to try and rebuild her life now that she had known true love and lost it. She banged her head against the window in spite of herself, the hurt look in Rimmer's eyes as she failed to return his feelings towards her was burned into her mind.  
"Rowan you really are a first class bitch." She snarled as she stared at her reflection, loathing the sight of herself. "You're a selfish, stupid cold hearted bitch...you don't deserve to be happy."  
"You do, but I think you need some encouragement." Said a familiar voice.

Cat entered the cabin and went straight over to where Rimmer lay on his bunk, his head still burried in his pillow.  
"Rowan will come to her senses, she's just..."  
"She doesn't love me." Said Rimmer, raising his head he roughly wiped his tear drenched eyes.  
"She does though, she told me she just can't bare hurting you."  
"Like she is now?" He remarked.  
Cat raised his eyebrows, still struggling to take in this new side of Rimmer he was witnessing.  
"She's under the impression that she's gonna hurt you, she loves you too much to put you through that."  
Rimmer turned away and rested his head on his arms.  
"Look man, if you love her, fight for her. Come on, stop being a coward all your life. Don't let this chance of happiness escape from you, trust me you'll regret it otherwse."  
Rimmer raised his head at these words. Cat was right, he had fought so hard to get Rowan to notice his affections for her last night and how happy he was when she returned his feelings for her, he had to fight for her.  
Pushing himself up he straightened his clothes and turned to Cat.  
"I was wrong about you, you're not a total goit after all." He said with a small smile.  
"Go win her back man." Smiled Cat as Rimmer marched out of the room.

Rowan turned to the source of the voice, her face twisting into a snarl.  
"What? You want me to blacken your other eye for you as well?"  
Lister came towards her and stood beside her, managing a smile which Rowan failed to return.  
"Nah Rimmer already beat you to that, I'm gonna look like a panda for sure tomorrow!"  
"Good." Snapped Rowan bitterly.  
"I owe you a serious apology." He said softly. "Come to think of it, it was actually a brilliant joke. I admit I didn't find it funny at the time but I can see the funny side of it now...and yes I did kind of deserve it..."  
"Kind of?" Snapped Rowan with a raised eyebrow.  
"Okay I definetly deserved it." He admitted.  
Rowan's expression remained unchanged. "How do I know you're not just saying this to try and soften me up?"  
"I've just seen Rimmer, he's absolutely devastated that you ended things with him...as much of a smeg head that he is...I feel sorry for him."  
Rowan's eyebrows raised but she said nothing.  
"Look what I'm trying to say is," He sighed and took a deep breath before carrying on. "I'm sorry for causing you two to split up, I never wanted that to happen."  
Rowan's eyes once again filled with tears.

Rimmer stopped walking and stood as still as stone as he heard voices coming from the observation room.  
"Talk to him Rowan, if he loves you he'll be willing to listen."  
"What so I can hurt him all over again?" She sighed.  
Walking over to the open door he hid from view and listened to Lister and Rowan talking about him.  
"Don't be daft, you two are made for eachother, give it time you'll see.""  
"He deserves better than me."  
Rimmer shook his head as he listened. She was wrong, it was her who deserved better than him.  
"Rowan, I admit I'm jealous of him being with you, but at the same time...you deserve to be happy. Even if that's not with me."  
Rowan turned to face him again.  
"You honestly mean that?"  
Lister smiled and nodded. "Rimmer's a lucky guy to have someone as beautiful and talented as you for a girlfriend. I'm so smegging jealous."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head.  
Rimmer swallowed hard, should he burst in there and tell Rowan that all was forgiven, take her in his arms and never let her go, or should he wait and see what else was said.  
"I feel lucky to know him. You haven't seen the side to him I've seen Lister. When he's with me he's different, he's kind, affectionate...and I love him."  
Rimmer smiled at her words, a lump rising his throat.  
"Then find him and talk to him."  
Rowan took a deep breath and nodded, she walked away but suddenly stopped and turned back to Lister."  
"Lister, I'm sorry I said what I did about Kochanski, I know how much she meant to you."  
Lister smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry as well."  
"We still friends?" She asked hopefully.  
Lister smiled and nodded walking up to her, he offered his hand. "Friends."  
Rowan smiled and pulled him into a brief hug.  
"Now go find that smeg head Rimmer and get your relationship back on track. Otherwise I won't let you call me panda when the swelling on my eyes goes down."  
Rowan laughed and nodded. "Thanks Lister and I'm sorry about earlier...glad you saw the funny side eventually."  
"Just go, try the officers quarters."  
Rimmer hid against the wall as Rowan dashed from the room and ran down the corridor.  
As soon as she was out of sight he approached Lister.  
"Well, well, well me laddo!" He said breezily, making Lister jump.  
"Rimmer!" He gasped.  
"Before you ask, yes I heard everything."  
"So?"  
"So, thanks and if you'll excuse me I have to go and win back my girlfriend!"  
Lister smiled as Rimmer walked away.  
"Good luck smeg head." He smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

"Rimmer?" Called Rowan as she entered the officers quarters.  
She went through to the poker room, there was no sign on Rimmer anywhere.  
She sighed and lowered her head turning to leave she almost bumped into someone.  
Looking up her breath caught in her throat as she stared into Rimmer's dark brown eyes.  
"Rimmer I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."  
"You broke my heart Rowan," Said Rimmer, his words cut through Rowan like a knife being plunged into her heart.  
"I know." She said looking away. "I thought it was for the best at the time because I don't want to hurt you. You deserve someone better than me."  
Rimmer stared at her for a moment. Did she honestly believe that a selfish coward like him was too good for her?  
"What if I don't want someone else?" He asked. "What if I want you?"  
Rowan swallowed hard. "What if I end up hurting you again?"  
Rimmer gently caressed her cheek. "It's a risk I'm willing to take. I love you Rowan."  
Tears welled in Rowan's eyes as she looked at him. She knew then that she had to take a leap of faith and trust in the love that she had for him that they could make things work.  
"I love you too." She replied.  
Before she could say another word Rimmer kissed her passionately, pulling her into his arms.  
Rowan eagerly returned the passionate embrace, wrapping her arms round his neck.  
After a few moments she pulled away and stared into his dark brown eyes.  
"So where do we go from here?"  
Rimmer smiled and rested his head against hers. "We carry on where we left off."  
Rowan returned his smile. "I mean it. I do love you."  
"I love you too." He replied resting his head on her shoulder.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and months eventually turned to a year.  
Rowan and Rimmer's relationship continued to go from strength to strength, neither of them had been happier.  
Rowan was dancing around the cabin listening to her i-pod and singing, it was nearly her and Rimmer's one year anniversary. Well, technically there was still a day to go. It was easy to remember as it was the day after Rimmer's birthday.  
She couldn't believe it, an entire year they'd been together. She was in an extrememly good mood when she woke up and now that everyone had left the cabin she was dancing around like a giddy teenager.  
"Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, But all of the boys and all the girls are begging to if you seek Amy!" She sang with a grin on her face as she started rummaging through her jewelry box. She pulled out a spiky leather dog collar style choker studded with silver spikes and a matching wrist bracelet before pushing the box back under the bunk she shared with Rimmer.  
Selecting another playlist to listen to she left the cabin swinging her hips suggestively as she walked, continuing to sing to herself.  
"Good Morning Miss Rowan." Said Kryten as he came down the corridor  
"Cos we belong together now, yeah! Forever united here somehow, yeah! You got a piece of me and honestly, my life, would suck without you!" Sang Rowan, completely oblivious to the confused look on the mechanoids face as she walked past him.  
Kryten shook his head as he watched her shake her hips as she dance-walked down the corridor.  
"Well I must say that's nice to know." He said to himself.  
"Oh Kryten, is everything ready for tonight?" She asked turning to him and removing one of her earphones.  
"Of course Miss Rowan. Mr Rimmer's brithday party is all prepared."  
Rowan nodded and smiled before walking off.  
"Hiya Kryten." Said Lister as he appeared from the shower room. "Was that Rowan I just heard?"  
"Yes Sir, she seems to be in high spirits. Apparently her life would suck without me!"  
Lister laughed. "Did she have earphones in by any chance?"  
"Yes she did Sir."  
"Sorry to disappoint you then big fella, but she's obviously in dreamland she didn't actually mean it."  
"Oh I see," Said Kryten sounding disappointed. "Oh well, back to the laundry room."  
Lister shook his head and carried on down the corridor, to the galley, he had an inexplicable urge to have a sugar puff sandwich.  
"Oh did Rowan say anything about tonight?"  
"Yes Sir, just asked if everything was ready."  
Lister laughed. "Man Rimmer's gonna get the surprise of his life."

Cat was next to bump into Rowan, his jaw dropped as he saw what she was wearing around her neck.  
"Holy crap, she's been possessed by a dog!" He yelped, as he took up a defensive position.  
"It's all about us, all about us, runaway if we must cos you know oh oh, it's all about us."  
Cat raised his eyebrows as she walked passed still swinging her hips, completely oblivious to his presence.  
"Man that girl is acting really wierd." He said shaking his head before turning back and looking at her rear end. "Nice arse though, almost as nice as mine."  
"Keep staring at my arse and comparing it to yours and I'll neuter you!" She called in a sing-song voice.  
Cat gulped and immediately averted his eyes.  
"Please don't take my manhood!" He pleaded, but Rowan had already disappeared round the corner.

Rimmer was sat in the boardroom reading a manual on astronavigation when he felt a pair of soft warm hands cover his eyes.  
"Guess who gorgeous." Came a voice he instantly recognised.  
He smiled and leaned back, reasting his head on Rowan's chest.  
"Is that you Lister? Does Rowan know you're using her hand lotion?"  
Rowan's jaw dropped and she put her lips to Rimmer's ear.  
"You want re-think that answer before I'm forced to do something drastic?"  
Rimmer laughed and considered the warning.  
"Nope."  
"Oh you are so sleeping on the floor tonight!" Snapped Rowan in mock anger as Rimmer pulled her hands from his eyes.  
He pouted and gave her his best puppy dog look as she came round and sat on his lap.  
"You know you love me too much to subject me to that."  
Rowan stuck her tongue out and turned away, causing Rimmer to laugh and slide his warm hands up the back of her shirt, running his finger tips down her spine.  
"Oh don't even try it." She snapped.  
"Why cos you know you'll give in?"  
"Yes!" She growled wrapping her arms round his neck smiling as she felt his hands round her waist.  
"Oh please put him down Rowan you don't know where he's been!"  
Rowan looked up with raised eyebrows as she saw Lister enter the room.  
"You know what Lister I have the perfect song on my i-pod for you, I'm thinking of dedicating it to you."  
"Cool!" Laughed Lister. "What is it?"  
Rowan giggled, funnily enough it's called "Vindaloo." An old Earth classic, you've probably heard of it."  
Lister's smile widened.  
Rimmer rolled his eyes and turned to face Lister. "What do you want anyway?"  
"Just wanted to know what we're doing today, is there anything special happening we should know about?"  
Rowan rolled her eyes thoughtfully. "No not really."  
Lister smiled and nodded. "Well I'll catch you two later, in the bar for a drink."  
Rowan nodded and waved him away with a wink.  
"You okay?" Asked Rowan looking at Rimmer.  
"Yeah why shouldn't I be?"  
"I don't know you just seem quiet today is all."  
Rimmer smiled and pulled her head down to rest on his shoulder.  
"Just feeling old, too bloody old."  
"Yeah well technically your still only two years older than me." Reasoned Rowan.  
Rimmer shrugged and laughed.  
"So where's my present?" He asked.  
"Right here." Smiled Rowan as she kissed him.


	12. Chapter 12

Later that night Rowan was alone in the cabin yet again, she sat at the table raiding her jewelry box once more, her i-pod playing John Barrowman All Out Of Love as she rummaged for some matching jewlery for her outfit.  
She was clad in a pair of baggy black jeans with red trim, her new rocks, a red short sleeved shirt and a black waistcoat. She stood infront of the mirror and brushed her long fringe into its usual side parting before putting on her spiky dog collar style choker. She didn't notice as Rimmer came into the room dressed in his captains uniform until she saw his reflection in the mirror as he put his arms round her waist and brushed her hair away from her shoudler, kissing her neck. He stopped and stared as he noticed the dog collar round her neck.  
Rowan laughed. "It was a present from Caz for my sixteenth."  
Rimmer shrugged, he did have to admit it suited her. "Not bad," he admitted. "Makes you look sexy!"  
Rowan smirked and turned to face him.  
"Yeah? Well if your lucky I might be pursuaded to give you an extra present."  
Rimmer smirked seductively as he took Rowan's hand in his and they left the cabin.

Reaching the officers quarters they proceeded to the bar room, which was in total darkness.  
"What the smeg?" He retorted, however he soon jumped back as the lights came on and Lister, Cat and Kryten jumped out from the piano and unleashed a barage of party poppers.  
"Happy Birthday Rimmer!"  
Rimmer turned to Rowan with a knowing smile.  
"This has got your name written all over it."  
"Yeah well, I know no-one threw you a surprise birthday party before so I got the pleasure of being the first person to do it."  
"Come on Rimsy!" Yelled Lister. "Get the champagne open I'm gagging for a drink!"  
Kryten hooked Rowan's i-pod into one of the computer consoles behind the bar so that the music played into the whole room.  
"Okay boys." Smiled Rowan as she jumped behind the bar. "Prepare for a night of drunken madness at the hands of Rowan Redfield, cocktail mistress extrodinaire!"  
She pulled several bottles of whiskey, vodka and other spirits from the optics and started juggling with them before lining up four tall glasses.  
"Okay this ones called a Tequila Sunrise." She smiled as she measured out the tequila, oragne juice and ammareto.  
Cat sniffed it and took a sip, licking his lips thoughtfully. "Not bad."  
Lister however downed it in one gulp, much to Rowan's disgust as he followed it up with a sizeable belch.  
Rimmer shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Lister you really don't have any manners do you?"  
"Nope, come on drink up birthday boy!"  
Rowan then prepared another cocktail which she named a Hurricane Redfield, her own special cocktail of triple filtered vodka, tequila and whiskey mixed with fresh apple juice.  
"My own special recipie," She boasted. "So named cos once you've drunk it, it blows your head off!"  
"Bottom's up!" Laughed Lister as he, Cat, Rimmer and Rowan raised their glasses and downed the intoxicating mixture in one gulp.  
Cat fell off his stool gasping for air while Rimmer and Lister were left panting at the nasty afterburn left behind. Rowan however stood smirking as if nothing had happened.  
"That's hotter than the hottest indian curry I've ever eaten!" Gasped Lister. "How come you're not affected?"  
"My cocktail, it's named after me, duh!" She laughed.  
"Hey Kryten, I managed to make a mechanised version for you to try.  
"Why thankyou Miss Rowan." He picked up the glass and downed the cocktail in one.  
"Oh my!" He gasped as steam flew from his ear sockets.  
"That is an extremely lethal combination!"  
Rowan laughed and jumped up on the bar as one of her favourite dance tracks came on.  
"Okay birthday boy, you wanted to see my version of dancing...well here it is!"  
The music kicked in and Rowan spun round on the bar, instantly gaining everyones attention, even Cat managed to drag himself back into his seat as Rowan started to suggestively roll her hips and start pole dancing on one of the bar supports, her hair flying wildly across her face creating a sense of mystery as it covered the right side of her face.  
"Smeg me!" Gasped Lister as Rowan arched back and gracefully wrapped her legs around the top of the bar support, pulling herself up the pole and expertly sliding down it into a squating position before rolling her hips as she stood back up straight.  
Cat and Rimmer were staring open mouthed while Kryten removed his lenses, and wiped them on Cat's jacket before replacing them back into his skull sockets.  
"So any volunteers?" Asked Rowan as she gracefully did the splits along the length of the bar.  
"Oh count me in!" Slurred Cat as he drunkenly climbed onto the bar and then fell off again down the other side.  
Rowan laughed and shook her head and she swung both legs over the side of the bar, pulling Rimmer out of his seat so he was stood between them.  
"What about you handsome?" She smiled raising her eyebrows. "Care to dance?"  
Rimmer managed a nervous laugh. There was no way he could keep up with Rowan's flexible and erotic moves and she knew it.  
She shrugged and kissed him, removing his cap from his head she placed it on her own head and jumped back down behind the bar.

As the night wore on, Cat was still passed out behind the bar, Lister and Kryten were dancing together in a very disturbingly erotic manner while Rowan had managed to convince Rimmer to try her style of dancing. She was impressed by the way he followed her every move perfectly, especially as she taught him, Lister and Kryten how to do the macerena and saturday night. Funnily enough as soon as she put macerena on again Cat woke up and tried to join in, however when it came down to it, he ended up putting his hands on Lister's crotch and trying to hump him instead of putting his hands on his own hips and doing a ninety degree jump turn.  
Rowan laughed and shook her head, she was going to love reminding them what they got up to tomorrow morning.  
Pulling Kryten to one side she whispered into his ear and winked, earning her a drunken lopsided smirk from Rimmer as he grabbed her round her waist, swaying unsteadily as he rested his head on her shoulder.  
"What are you up to?" He hiccuped.  
Rowan laughed and spun to face him, resting her hands on his cheeks, holding his head steady as she looked into his eyes.  
"You'll see," She smiled as she kissed him.  
Kryten emerged from behind the bar bearing a birthday cake in the shape of Red Dwarf, right down to the last detail.  
"Happy Birthday Sir." He said.  
"You've thought of everything haven;t you?" He smiled as he turned to face Rowan.  
Rowan nodded. "Yeah well, that's cos I love you."  
"Hey Rowan, is that cake curry flavoured by any chance?" Slurred Lister as he staggered over to the bar.  
"Nope, sorry Listy."  
"Smeg. Oh well I'll still have some!" With that he collapsed in a heap infront of the bar, causing Rowan and Rimmer to laugh.

Finally at about six o'clock the next morning Rowan and Rimmer helped Kryten drag a very drunk and passed out Lister and Cat back to the cabin.  
They didn't bother putting them in their own bunks, it was too much effort. So instead they plonked the pair of them on Rowan's old bunk and decided to have a little fun.  
They laid Lister on his back with one leg hanging over the side of the bunk and laid Cat on top of him so they were laid crotch to crotch. They then wrapped Cat's arms round Lister's shoulders and wrap Lister's arms around Cat's waist. They stopped momentarily as Lister stirred, but didn't wake up.  
They giggled like a pair of naughty teenagers as Kryten took several snapshots.  
"Oh I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they see these!" Laughed Rimmer.  
"If you'll excuse me Sir, Miss Rowan, I'm going to power down for the night I'm afraid I may be intoxicated."  
Rowan laughed. "Okay see you tomorrow Kryten."  
"Good night Mr Rimmer, Miss Rown."  
With that he left the cabin.  
Rimmer turned to Rowan and smiled, pulling her close to him he looked at her for a moment.  
"Thanks for tonight, no ones ever thrown me a birthday party before."  
Rowan smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. "Yeah well I thought you deserved one."  
"How did I ever end up with someone like you?" He asked as he stripped down to just his boxers and got settled on his bunk.  
Rowan shrugged as she stripped down to her boxers and crop top, climbing over him she got settled next to him and rested her head on his chest.  
"You just got lucky."  
Rimmer looked at her with the smile that always melted Rowan's heart, he only ever smiled at her in that certain way.  
"Yeah, you know I wake up most mornings and I see you and I keep thinking to myself..."How the hell did a loser like me manage to get someone like you to fall in love with me?" It beggars belief."  
Rowan's head jerked up and she grabbed Rimmer's chin turning her to face him, his eyes widened as he saw the look of anger in her face.  
"Don't you dare say that about yourself infront of me again." She warned dangerously. "You're not a loser, you've just been unlucky in life the same as me, it doesn't make you a loser."  
She gently let go of his chin and rested her head back on his chest, smiling as he gently ran his hand through her hair.  
"I'm glad I met you." He yawned as he rolled over and pulled the blanket over them and rested his head next to Rowan's so he was staring directly into her eyes.  
Rowan kissed him passionately and rested her head under his chin. "I'm glad I met you too. You proved to me that even a loner like me could find someone who I could care about."  
Rimmer smiled as he struggled to stay awake, Rowan's letha cocktail had near enough knocked him out.  
"I love you." He yawned as he nuzzled her affectionately.  
"I love you too." She replied as she slowly drifted off to sleep.  
Soon the only sound to be heard was Lister and Cat snoring as Rowan and Rimmer fell asleep in eachothers arms.


	13. Chapter 13

It was almost midday before any of the crew woke up.  
Lister and Cat were still in the compromisisng position Rowan and Rimmer had left them in the previous night on the spare bunk, while Rimmer was laid on his back Rowan using his chest as a pillow, her arm loosely draped over his stomach while his arms were losely wrapped round her shoulders.  
The cabin door slid open and in walked Kryten.  
"Good Morning..." He said breezily, stopping immediately as he noticed that no one was as of yet awake.  
"Oh, they must still all be suffering from Miss Rowan's lethal cocktail."  
Movement drew his attention to Rimmer's bunk as Rowan lazily opened her eyes and yawned.  
"Ah Good Morning Miss Rowan."  
Rowan slowly withdrew herself from Rimmer's arms and carefully climbed over him to get out of the bunk. He moaned softly and rolled over onto his stomach.  
"Morning Kryten." She said breezily.  
"You don't have a hangover Miss Rowan?" He asked.  
Rowan laughed. "What's one of those? Any chance of a triple fried egg sandwich with plenty of ketchup oozing out of it?"  
"Won't that make you sick first thing in a morning?"  
"Kryten, I have never had a hangover in my life. Although if you want to get technical I suppose you could say my version of a hangover is an inexplicable urge for a nice greasy sandwich for breakfast."  
"Very well Miss Rowan, I'll see what I can do."  
"Thanks, oh by the way have you got those photos developed?" She smirked nodding towards Lister and Cat.  
"I'll bring them with me when I bring your breakfast."  
"Nice one." She smiled evilly.

By the time Kryten returned with her breakfast she had sorted all her clothes for the day into a neat pile.  
"Ah, perfect thanks Kryten." Smiled Rowan as he handed her a plate with a greasy tower of a sandwich with ketchup and egg yolk oozing out of the side onto the plate.  
She took a bite, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as she savoured the taste. "Second best only to sex!" She laughed as she swallowed it down and took another bite.  
Kryten pretended he didn't hear her comparing a greasy sandwich to sexual intercourse and handed her a stack of photos.  
"Here are the photo's you wanted. I must say there are some very good ones of you and Mr Rimmer."  
Rowan took the photos and looked through them, she giggled as she came across Lister trying to pole dance, Cat attempting to do the splits and ripping a hole in the crotch of his trousers and Kryten attempting the dance moves to saturday night.  
She then smiled softly as she came across one of her and Rimmer. He was stood infront of the bar between her legs, leaning back on her, while she was sat behind him, her arms round his shoulders.  
"Yeah you were right Kryten, there are some really good pictures in here, especially this one."  
Kryten looked at the photo and nodded. It was a shot of the entire crew.  
Rimmer and Rowan were stood in the middle with their arms round eachother, Lister and Cat were squating infront of them and Kryten was sat on the bar at the back.  
"Yes I agree Miss Rowan, we all make quite a team."  
She finished her sandwich and got up from the table.  
"Right I'm going for a shower before Cat and Lister wake up. See you later."  
Silence once again filled the cabin as Rowan left, apart from the sound of Lister and Cat's snoring and a small moan of pleasure as Lister's hands moved to Cat's rear end groping him.

Rowan always had a habit of trying to get in the shower room first so that Cat didn't use up all the hot water.  
She was desperate to get the shower first today anyway because she had plans for Rimmer, with it being their one year anniversary theyhad decided they'd spend the day together doing whatever he wanted and do whatever she wanted in the evening.  
She started singing again, she didn't even realise she was doing it.  
"This never meant I can't sit by, they say as if it takes me somewhere, just let me swallow the faith by injection, like better be rushing it to my head, my love..."  
She stopped suddenly as she heard the door open, risking a peek through the shower curtain she was relieved to notice that it was only one of the scutters.  
With a shrug she resumed her song.

Rimmer moaned in his sleep and turned over reaching out he found an empty space next to him, he felt the bunk before his eyes flew open realizing Rowan wasn't there.  
He sat bolt upright and looked around, wincing as an awful throbbing pain tore through his skull, he'd not had a hangover in so long he'd forgotten how painful they could be.  
"Ah Good Morning Mr Rimmer." Said Kryten. "Miss Rowan's in the shower room if you were wondering."  
Rimmer yawned and nodded. "What time is it?"  
"One in the afternoon Sir."  
Rimmer's eyes widened. "What time did the party finish?" He groaned as he flopped back down on his bunk.  
"About six this morning Sir."  
Rimmer pushed himself up into a sitting position and stretched his arms above his head, suddenly feeling nauseaous.  
"What is that smell?" He asked.  
"Rowan's breakfast, triple fried egg sandwich and ketchup."  
Rimmer nearly vomited. "Oh that's disgusting!"  
"What's disgusting?"  
Rimmer's gaze turned towards the door as Rowan entered the cabin, she dressed in a pair of suade army boots, baggy blue jeans, a white tank top and a black short sleeved shirt. She'd also tied her hair back but this time she'd left her fringe hanging down making her appear younger.  
"Your eating habbits, triple fried egg sandwich with ketchup?"  
Rowan laughed. "The Rowan Redfield version of a hangover, eat one of those the morning after a heavy night of drinking and it sets me up for the day."  
Rimmer rolled his eyes and shook his head as she sat next to him, smiling as she hugged him.  
"Those two still asleep?" She laughed nodding in the direction of Lister and Cat. An evil smirk suddenly played upon her lips and she turned to Rimmer.  
"Shall I?"  
Rimmer returned her evil smile.  
"I dare you."  
Rowan wiggled her eyebrows sugestively and raided Lister's locker.  
"Aha, there you are." She smiled as she pulled out an air horn.  
"Miss Rowan, you wouldn't?" Gasped Kryten as Rowan placed the airhorn right next to Lister's ear.  
"Oh I would!" She laughed as she pressed down on the button.

Rimmer plunged his fingers into his ears, while Kryten turned off his hearing circuits and covered Rowan's ears.  
Lister and Cat jumped up so quickly they banged their heads on the top bunk.  
"What the smeg is going on?" Panicked Lister, his panic increased as he saw who was laid on top of him.  
"ARGH!" He pushed Cat off his body as he felt a hard stick like object poking him in his crotch and quickly rubbed his mouth on the back of his hand.  
Rimmer laughed so hard he fell out of his bunk, while Rowan was bent double struggling to breathe between fits of manic laughter, even Kryten was laughing.  
"What the smeg happened last night? Please tell me I didn't do what I think I did."  
Rowan wiped the tears from her eyes as she struggled to stop laughing long enough to help Rimmer up off the floor.  
"You don't remember?" She asked trying to sound innocent.  
"All I remember is ripping a hole in my good pants." Pouted Cat as he sat at the table.  
"Well you were very drunk Lister." Laughed Rimmer.  
"I'm gonna be sick." Gasped Lister as he ran from the cabin in panic.  
Rimmer and Rowan looked at eachother still laughing like a pair of maniacs.  
"Well I'm glad you two find this funny." Snapped Cat. "Look at the state of my trousers!"  
Rowan shook her head struggling to stop laughing.  
"Aw mate Kryten will fix them, won't you?"  
"Of course I will Sir." Said Kryten.  
Cat seemed to cheer up slightly, however he still felt extremely nauseaous from the previous night.  
"Well if you don't mind I'm gonna have a nap, I got the hangover from hell."  
"So does Rimmer." Laughed Rowan as she saw him lay back on his bunk and put his hands behind his head.  
"That Hurricane Redfield cocktail of yours is lethal." Protested Rimmer as she sat on his bunk.  
"I've been drinking that lethal combination since I was eighteen, I'm used to it." She shrugged.  
Cat groaned as he got settled on his bunk.  
"I am never drinking again."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "I've heard that before."  
"In that case I'll leave you to it." Said Kryten. "The laundry room beckons."  
With that he left the cabin.  
"So," Said Rowan turning back to Rimmer. "One year anniversary, you decide what we do during the day so what have you got planned?"  
Rimmer rolled his eyes thoughtfully.  
"Well you haven't been to the VR Room yet have you?"  
"Nope."  
"Perfect. That's my part of the day planned. What about you?"  
Rowan folded her arms across her chest as she thought for a moment.  
"Well I was thinking about seeing a movie tonight, how are you with horrors?"  
"Never seen one."  
Rowan's eyes widened. "Never?"  
"Nope."  
"Oh then I can see I have some work to do."


	14. Chapter 14

The sun rose high into the morning sky, chasing away the last remnants of the evening mist and turning the sky from black to gold and orange.  
The sound of hooves pounded the sandy beach below and splashed into the outgoing tide, breaking through the silence of the dawn.  
Rimmer pulled his horse to a halt and waited as Rowan came thundering up behind him.  
"Never knew you could ride." She smiled as she overtook him, guiding her horse out towards the foaming retreating waters.  
"Never knew you could either." He said as he followed her.  
"As I keep saying," She laughed as he caught up with her. "Raised by high society, part and parcel of it."  
Rimmer smiled. "So what do you reckon so far?"  
Rowan returned his smile as they continued to gallop along the beach.  
"I'd say race you to that clifftop, I'll bet the view up there is amazing."  
Rowan had been right, the clifftop view was amazing, the sea stretched out as far as the eye could see.  
"I envy you." Said Rowan as they dismounted and sat on the grassy clifftop. "There was never anything like this on my homeworld, it was all just one big city. I can't believe you didn't like it here it's amazing."  
Rimmer shrugged. "You try living with parents that hated you and three brothers whose only excuse for hanging around with you was to torture you. I couldn't get away fast enough."  
"Are they still alive?"  
"Nope all dead and I couldn't care less. Trust me they'd take one look at you and start fighting over you, just because they think that anyone who ever looked twice at me needed a double labotamy."  
Rowan smirked. "In which case I'd bang their heads together, stamp on their love spuds and then hand them back to them on a plate!"  
Rimmer shook his head and laughed. "I can honestly say I know you well enough to know that that's exactly what you'd do."  
"Too bad my parents weren't alive they'd have loved to have met you."  
An awkward silence passed between them as Rimmer bit his lip thinking what to say next. Rowan never talked about her parents, all he knew was that her mother died when she was a few weeks old and her father was killed when his ship crashed into a meteorite when she was two.  
"Can you remember them at all?" He asked.  
Rowan shrugged. "No memory of my mother at all, my dad I can only just remember. He was an officer in the space corps, he left when I was born. He was really good friends with Caz's parents, that's how me and her first met." She paused for a moment as she tried to remember what she had long since buried in the back of her mind.  
"I remember when I was just over a year old he'd sit me on his lap and tell me of all these adventures he'd had in the space corps, all the planets he'd been to." She laughed as she continued. "He used to say to me, "Rowan, when your older I'm going to teach you how to be a pilot and then you can join the space corps and follow in your old mans footsteps." It never came to be though. The only memory I have of them is a locket with the family portrait in it, even then that was a given to me by Caz's parents the day after the space corps informed them that my father had died."  
Rimmer put his arm round her shoulder and pulled her to him, resting his head against hers.  
"Caz's parents refused to let me join the space corps in the end, they always found some excuse of why I had to stay on Arkan. I guess in the end they only did it to protect me."  
She sighed deeply as she continued to stare out to the horizon.

Later that day they left the VR Room and headed back to the sleeping quarters.  
Lister and Cat were sat at the table playing scrabble.  
"Had fun today then you two?" Asked Lister.  
"Yeah, might have to go in there more often."  
Lister smirked and returned his gaze to his letters. "Okay gotcha, tripple word score!" He sat back proudly folding his arms.  
"Smeg head?" Asked Cat. "That's two words cheater!"  
Rowan laughed and rolled her eyes as she pulled her jewelry box from under the bunk and produced a black velvet pouch, she emptied the contents to reveal a shiny silver locket on a short chain.  
"Ooh, shiny!" Said Cat almost drooling at the way the light caught the locket.  
"Hands off fish breath!" Snapped Rimmer as Rowan handed him the locket, he opened it and looked at the picture inside.  
A young woman with long brown hair and sapphire blue eyes dressed in an elegant red dress was cradling a baby in her arms. While her husband a tall well built dark haired dark eyed man dressed in an officers uniform stood next to her with an arm round her.  
"What is it?" Asked Cat.  
"My only link to the family I never had." Said Rowan emotionlessly.  
Cat stood and looked at the small picture, his eyes widening.  
"Wow is that you're mother? You're her exact double!"  
"Let me see." Said Lister as he looked over Rimmer's shoulder at the locket. "Smegging hell no kidding!"  
Rowan smiled. "Callista and Robert Redfield, my parents, two of the best officers ever to serve in the Space Corps."  
Rimmer smiled as he handed the locket back. "As much as I hate to admit it, Cat and Lister are right you really are your mothers double."  
Rowan laughed as she put the locket back in its protective pouch.  
"Believe me if I had a credit for everytime I've heard that I'd be a multi millionaire."  
"So what are you two up to now?" Asked Cat.  
"Well hopefully Kryten's managed to find the five horror movies I asked him to look for this morning."  
"Rowan, you show Rimmer a horror movie and he'll have nightmares!" Laughed Lister, he soon stopped however as he saw the look of anger on Rimmer's face.  
"Okay then Lister, if you're so brave come and watch it with us." She smirked challengingly.  
"Not a problem." Laughed Lister.

Rowen and Rimmer sat on the back row while Lister, Cat and Kryten sat further down towards the middle.  
Rowan smirking uncontrollably at the sight of a skeleton coming out of the floorboards and slowly reform body part by body part, organs, blood and all. She looked at Rimmer and burst out laughing. He'd gone pale and looked like he was about to faint, his eyes were wide and he was shaking as he turned to her.  
"You are completely sick in the head! How can you watch this?"  
"I can't help it, I'm a sick bitch!" She protested.  
A terrified scream came from further down.  
"That is smegging gross!"  
Rowan and Rimmer both burst out laughing at the sillouette of Lister emptying out his popcorn and covering his head with the empty container.  
"Oh my I think if I were a human I'd be on my twentieth set of underpants by now!" Said Kryten nervously as he removed his eyes.  
Cat however was too terrified to move or speak.  
Finally when the film finished Cat, Lister and Krtyen made their way out, leaving Rowan and Rimmer sat where they were.  
"You are smegging nuts!" Shouted Lister as he walked out, looking like he needed a fresh pair of boxers.  
"Miss Rowan, I suggest you see a psychiatrist." Said Kryten shakily.  
"Rowan you just plain disgusting, I hope you have nightmares." Snapped Cat.  
Rowan laughed and shook her head.  
"I do believe that's two-nil to to me." Smiled Rowan with a cocky look on her face.  
Rimmer managed a shaky laugh, he relaxed a little as Rowan snuggled up to him.  
"Don't worry I won't subject you to anything like that again. I wasn't actually meant to make you sit through that, I just did it to prove a point to Lister. Although I will defiently have to make him sit through the netxt four sequels."  
Rimmer's eyes bulged. "There's four more like that?"  
Rowan nodded. "Yeah Clive Barker's Hellraiser was one of the most scary Earth films of all time."  
Rimmer shuddered. "So what now?"  
"Well we watch the movie we were supposed to watch in the first place. One of my favourite non-horrors."  
"What is it?"  
"How familiar are you with Eart history?"  
Rimmer rolled his eyes. "Not very.  
"Okay well its called Titanic, it's a love story that ends in tragedy. Really good film the special effects are amazing quality considering it was made on Earth."  
"So what's the story?"  
Rowan laughed.  
"Just watch it, you'll see."

They sat and watched the film without Lister, Cat or Kryten returning to disturb them.  
Rimmer was never a big fan of love storys but he did love a good tragedy.  
"What did you think?" Asked Rowan as they walked back to the sleeping quarters.  
"Not too bad, bit slow to start with but not a bad film."  
Rowan smiled. "Yeah well, I always was a sucker for a slushy love story."  
Rimmer laughed. "I can't stand them, makes me want to vomit."  
"So why are you romantic and charming with me then?"  
Rimmer stopped walking, she had him there.  
"Erm, because you're different...Oh smeg you've gone and caught me out."  
Rowan laughed. "What do you mean?"  
"Tell no one."  
"Cross my heart and hope to die." She smiled.  
"With you it's different because I've never felt this way about anyone else. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not, I can be myself around you."  
Rowan's smile widened. "Good, because I love you for who you are. I'm glad I met you."  
Rimmer smiled softly at her, wondering how he ever got so lucky. "I love you for who you are too, you're smart, talented...and probably the only person who's actually given me a chance to be truly happy."  
Rowan blushed furiously and looked away.  
Turning her back to face him Rimmer looked at her for a moment before lowering his head to hers and softly kissing her.  
Had he finally found someone who he could truly be happy spending the rest of his life with?


	15. Chapter 15

Rowan sat at the table, leaning back on her chair she picked up another slice of pepperoni and onion pizza.  
Rimmer had gone for a shower, Cat and Lister had gone for a drink and Kryten was in the laundry room.  
It was still early and she had decided to watch a few more horror movies, she'd managed to find her Saw collection and decided to see if she could sit and watch them all in order without falling alseep.  
She carried on munching on her pizza as the first film started on the monitor near the bunks.  
"Let the fright fest commence." She smirked to herself as she took another bite. "Lights."  
The room went black and Rowan smirked evilly.  
A few moments later the door opened and in walked Rimmer, he was dressed in red trousers, a red jacket and his pilot boots, his hair still wet and spiked from him drying it.  
"What the smeg? It's like a dungeon in here. Lights."  
He jumped back when he saw Rowan sat at the table.  
"What the smeg, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" He gasped.  
"Pause." She turned to face Rimmer with a smile. "I was bored so I decided to see if I can sit through all five Saw films without falling asleep."  
Rimmer's brow furrowed. "Saw films?"  
"Horror, gory torture horror. I strongly advise only watching it if you got nerves of steel."  
Rimmer shrugged and sat next to her. "Promise you won't laugh if I scream like a girl and run away."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "I promise. Pizza?"  
Rimmer got comfortable next to her. "Play."

As the first film finished Rowan and Rimmer had finished the pizza and were both sat in complete silence as the introduction to the second film began.  
Suddenly the door opened again and in walked Kryten.  
"Lights."  
The lights snapped on almost blinding Rowan and Rimmer.  
"Argh Kryten do you mind." Snapped Rimmer rubbing his eyes. "Pause."  
"Oh I am sorry Mr Rimmer, Miss Rowan I didn't mean to disturb you." He looked at the screen.  
"What are you watching?"  
"Saw Two." Said Rimmer. "You just missed the first one."  
"Saw...Sir that's a horror movie and you hate the sight of blood."  
Rimmer shrugged, earning him a laugh from Rowan.  
"I think I'm a bad influence on him." She said guiltily. "Wanna join us?"  
"Oh, I...okay thankyou, I'm sure it's not that bad."  
"Lights." Said Rowan. "Play."

As the second film finished Cat staggered in, his normally immaculate clothes were creased and disheveled.  
"OW BABY!" He yelled as he entered the cabin.  
"SHUT UP!" Yelled Rimmer and Rowan at once.  
"What you watching?" He slurred shrinking back.  
"Saw Three Sir." Said Kryten. "A very interesting if not terrifying horror film."  
"Room for one more?" Smiled Cat.  
"As long as you're quiet." Snapped Rimmer.  
Cat nodded and sat down as the third film started.

By the time the fourth film was starting Rowan had moved to sit on Rimmer's lap and was now sat snuggled in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder, Cat was laid on his bunk eating tuna, cringing every so often and Kryten was sat on one of the chairs with a look of bemusement on his face.  
The cabin doors opened and in walked Lister with a chicken vindaloo in one hand and a can of lager in the other.  
"Hiya guys, what you watching?"  
"SHH!" Came the angry reply from the rooms occupants.  
"Oh okay I see, well I'll just sit here and eat my vindaloo."

It was three in the morning by the time the fifth film had finished and the lights had been turned back on, Rowan and Rimmer hadn't moved a muscle, Lister looked terrified, Cat was watching the end credits through his hands and Kryten was sat open mouthed.  
"Wow!" Gasped Cat. "That has got to be the most disturbing set of events I have ever seen."  
"Shocking." Said Kryten in disgust. "Absolutely shocking."  
"Man that was some freaky stuff." Said Lister as she jumped up onto his bunk.  
Rimmer just shrugged. "I've seen worse."  
Lister, Cat and Kryten all turned and looked at him like he'd announced he was pregnant with triplets.  
"You what?" Laughed Lister. "Rimmer, you hate the sight of blood, you faint."  
Rowan laughed and sat up, stretching her arms above her head.  
"I'm a bad influence on him." She smiled.  
"Pardon my rudeness Miss Rowan," Said Kryten. "Switching to disgusted mode. You are a very very sick young woman, you need professional help!"  
Rowan simply burst out laughing.  
"Proud of it Kryten, I wouldn't have her any other way." Said Rimmer as he sat up and wrapped his arms round her waist, resting his head on her shoulder, earning him a kiss on the cheek and an affectionate nuzzle.  
"Well if you'll excuse me I'm going to offline for the night."  
"See ya Kryters." Said Lister as he got comfortable.  
"See you guys in the morning, I'm knackered."

Soon the only sounds to fill the cabin were Lister and Cat's snores.  
Rowan and Rimmer had also got changed and got settled on their bunk for the night.  
All was dark and quiet until suddenly Cat started whimpering and thrashing around on his bunk.  
"No, no please don't, I'll do anything...just don't make me spill blood on my salmon pink trousers, do you have any odea how expensive they are to have dry cleaned?"  
Rowan's eyes flickered open and she raised her head. Lister's snoring could be heard from the top bunkRimmer was still asleep she could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck, his arm was wrapped protectively round her waist, holding her against his body.  
"No please I'm begging you!"  
She sat up and looked around. "Lights."  
As the lights came on she looked towards Cat's bunk.  
"No, ARGH NO! Now look what you made me do, I got blood all over my best flame red jacket, you are so getting my dry cleaning bill buddy!"  
Rowan shook her head and smirked.  
"Idiot. I should've known that letting him watch those films was a bad idea."  
She settled back down snuggling further into Rimmer's warm embrace and closed her eyes.  
She was just starting to doze off again when another terrified speach came from above her.  
"No please, Oh God what the smeg is that thing!"  
Rowan growled in the pit of her throat and rolled over so that she was facing Rimmer, she buried her head in his chest trying to block out the sound of Lister's terrified screams.  
"No, ARGH! No please, let me go. Help can anybody hear me?"  
She could even hear Kryten down in the control room.  
"No Sir please, no don't make me do this."  
Finally Rowan let out a loud growl.  
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" She yelled, instantly waking Rimmer.  
"Who, huh, what?" He asked drowsily.  
Rowan shrank back slightly.  
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." She said guiltily.  
"What's going on?" He yawned.  
"Everyone's having nightmares and keeping me awake." She groaned, rubbing her eyes.  
Rimmer laughed and pulled her back down to him, kissing her forehead.  
"Just ignore them, you can rip them to shreads over it in the morning."  
Rowan smirked and rested her head under his chin, unaware of the evil smirk on his face.  
"Unless...I just had a brilliant idea."


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning Rimmer took Rowan to the control room.  
"Okay here we go." He smiled evilly as he sat at one of the monitors and started pressing buttons on the keyboard.  
"What is it?" Asked Rowan.  
"It taps into the minds subconsciousness, now if I can just remember how to link it up to those three goits minds..."  
A smirk crossed his face as he continued pressing keys.  
"Aha, here we go. Now then, whose dreams shall we see first?"  
Rowan shrugged as she sat on his lap and put her right arm round his shoulders.  
"How about Cat, his dreams sounded pretty interesting."  
"Okay then, tapping into Cat's subconscious."

Cat was unconcious, his head lulled forward against his chest.  
He was strapped to a chair by razor blades round his ankles and wrists, in front of him was a rack of sharp knives.  
Cat groaned groggily as he came round, blinking rapidly in the dim light.  
"Oh man what the hell?" He started with a yelp as he found himself restrained and facing a barrage of knives.  
A monitor to his left flickered and Rimmer's image appeared.  
"Rimmer?" Asked Cat.  
"Hello Cat," Said Rimmer in a sinister voice. "For years you've smegged me off with your vanity, arrogance and narcissistic ways."  
"Hey those are my best features!" Snapped Cat.  
"Well now we'll see how far your prepared to go to save your life, the only way to release yourself is to push your face against the knives."  
"No, no please don't, I'll do anything...just don't make me spill blood on my salmon pink trousers, do you have any idea how expensive they are to have dry cleaned?  
"If you don't then you'll die of blood loss anyway, the choice is yours." With that the monitor clicked off.  
"Oh man." Moaned Cat. "He seriously expects me to do this, doesn't he know that salmon pink and red is so last year?"  
He paused and took a deep breath calming his nerves as he slowly pushed his face against the knives. Crying out in pain he quickly withdrew, bloody pouring out of the cuts he had sustained.  
"No, ARGH NO! Now look what you made me do, I got blood all over my best flame red jacket, you are so getting my dry cleaning bill buddy."

Rowan and Rimmer burst out laughing.  
"Oh my God that poor bastard!" Laughed Rowan.  
"What a gimboid." Laughed Rimmer as he leaned forward and started typing again. "Okay shall we see what Lister's up to?"  
"Yeah let's, it can't be much worse than what Cat's going through."

Lister was unconscious, his head lolled back against the chair he was sat on. He was handcuffed in place by his wrists and ankles.  
"Oh smegging hell." He groaned as he tried to look round and saw that he could barely move.  
"Welcome back." Said a female voice.  
"Rowan?" Asked Lister, his eyes widened as she moved into his field of vision.  
She was wearing army boots, black stockings held up by suspenders, black pvc hot pants, a black pvc corset, a black pvc jacket lined with feathers, two dog collars and a nose ring that linked to her right ear by a silver chain.  
Lister couldn't help but laugh.  
"Is this another joke? Did Rimmer put you up to this?" He raised his voice talking to the air. "Very funny Rimmer, you can untie me now. By the way that outfit the demon you wore on that triplicated ship looks a lot better on Rowan than it ever did on you."  
Rowan however stared at him angrilly as she flicked her hair back over her shoulder.  
"Rimmer gave me instructions to make you suffer, so that's what I'm going to do."  
Lister's smile disappeared as a loud grinding sound filled the air and he felt his head being yanked back and he got the impression he was in danger.  
"No please, Oh God what the smeg is that thing?" He cried out in panic.  
"Your precious dreadlocks are wound round the mechanisms of this device, I'm simply going to sit here and watch you suffer for splitting up me and Rimmer." Her voice boomed through the room. "Did you honestly think I'd ever forgive you for ruining my hapiness and forcing me to leave Red Dwarf?"  
Lister cried out in pain as he felt his hair being pulled tighter, blood spurting forward and splattering Rowan's face as his scalp was pulled from his head.  
"No, ARGH! No please, let me go. Help can anybody hear me?"  
Rowan laughed evilly and licked the blood from her lips as she watched Lister's scalp being pulled further and further back from his head.

Rimmer sat with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.  
"Oh...my...God!" Rimmer couldn't believe his eyes.  
"Wow..." Gasped Rowan. "And Kryten thinks I need a psychiatrist."  
"You look dmaned sexy dressed like that!"  
Rowan spun to face him with a look of pure bewilderment before bursting out laughing.  
"Am I the only one who noticed that Lister was getting scalped?"  
Rimmer laughed and started typing again. "Yeah that was pretty funny as well, but seriously that little pervert is never going to live this down."  
Rowan giggled uncontrollably as Rimmer accessed Kryten's data file and scanned his memory banks.

Kryten was sat unconcious in a chair, his arms hung limply by his sides.  
As his systems restarted he became aware that he had something rammed into his mouth so he could barely talk.  
A monitor to his left flickered into life.  
"Mr Rimmer? Sir what is going on?" Kryten just managed to speak.  
"Ah Kryten." Said Rimmer with an evil smirk. "Finally back online I see, well I have some good news and some bad news."  
"I don't understand Sir."  
"The bad news is, there is a way to release the mechanism on your head. The good news is you have to kill Lister to do it!"  
"You can't be serious?"  
"Oh but I am." Smiled Rimmer evilly. "The best part is, if you don;t do it willingly, I can make you do it by force, but even then I don't have to save your life as well, I can easily let the timer run out on the device and watch you get your head ripped open like a hard boiled egg."  
His tone altered and became menacing before he spoke again.  
"For years you've wound me up by undermining my authority, now we see if you can undermine your own authority and kill a human."  
"But Sir!" Gasped Kryten.  
"Will you finally rebel and take Lister's life? Or will you still choose to sacrifice yourself so that he might live?"  
With that the monitor went blank.  
"Oh my." Said Kryten worriedly, he turned back to the monitor.  
"No Sir please, no don't make me do this."  
However nothing happened, until he stood up and noticed Lister lying unconcious in the corner.  
"Mr Lister!" He gasped as he rose from the chair.  
However as he did a stop clock was activated.  
"Oh no shine my bottom plates and call me a photocopier!" He gasped in shock.  
"I can't kill Mr Lister to save myself. I must do something."  
With that Kryten turned to the blank monitor.  
"Engaging rebelious mode. Screw you Mr Rimmer you smee hee...you smeeg hee...you smee...oh forget it!"  
With that the trap was sprung and Kryten's head exploded.

"Whoa, no way!" Gasped Rowan as she stared at the screen in disbelief.  
Rimmer bit his tongue to try and stop himself from laughing but it was no use.  
The pair of them burst out laughing, hugging eachother as they struggled to breathe through the giggling fits.  
"I cannot wait to see the looks on their faces when we tell them we know they're scared of a simple horror movie." Laughed Rowan as she wiped the tears from her eyes, still struggling to steady her breathing.  
Rimmer managed to stop laughing long enough to reply.  
"Hang on a moment," He turned round and called over one of the scutters.  
"Get me a disk so I can upload this data."  
The scutter nodded and headed over to the disk storage cupboard, returning a few moments later.  
"Perfect." He smiled as he took the disk and inserted it into one of the drives and started typing instructions into the computer again.  
"And we have permenant records of last nights dreams."  
Rowan laughed and pulled Rimmer's face closer to hers.  
"So if they were having nightmares, what were you dreaming about last night?"  
Rimmer smirked devilishly and moved his face closer to hers, feeling her warm breath on his face.  
"Well come here and I'll show you."


	17. Chapter 17

Lister woke up later that morning to find himself drenched in sweat, he quickly checked his scalp and breathed a sigh of relief to find it still ontop of his head.  
"Thank smeg for that." He groaned as he climbed down from the bunk and walked over to where Cat lay.  
"Cat, Cat man you awake?" He yawned.  
"No I told you pink and gold is so last year!" He snapped as Lister shook him. "Oh, it's you."  
"Did you have any...wierd dreams last night regarding that movie Rowan was watching?"  
Cat's face fell immediately. "Yeah man, it was awful. I got blood allover my salmon pink trousers!"  
The door opened and in walked Kryten looking like someone had threatened to replace him with a newer model.  
"What's wrong with you?" Asked Cat.  
"Oh you wouldn't believe it Sirs, I had the most awful dream."  
"We do believe it though," Said Lister. "Me and Cat had exactly the same dream. Do you reckon Rimmer and Rowan had nightmares?"  
"Rowan? never. Rimmer? Hell yeah!" Replied Cat  
"Speaking of Mr Rimmer and Miss Rowan, where are they?" Asked Kryten noticing the empty bunk.  
"Dunno," Yawned Lister. "Might as well go and have a look for them I suppose."

Rowan and Rimmer left the control room and headed down to the cargo bay, nothing was happening that day and Rowan had offered to teach Rimmer how to play darts after learing there was a dart board and several sets of darts in storage.  
"Ah there you are!" Called a voice.  
Rowan and Rimmer spun round as Kryten approached, followed by Lister and Cat.  
"We were wondering where you two had disappeared to, we just wanted to ask...did either of you two have any nightmares last night?"  
Rowan and Rimmer looked at eachother, they were both getting very good at playing the innocent pary after the amount of tricks they had pulled on their fellow crew members.  
"Not me, had trouble sleeping though. Lister and Cat were screaming in their sleep and Kryten I could hear you crying out on the other side of the ship." Said Rowan as she turned back and faced the group.  
Had Kryten been capapble of blushing he would probably be turning a tasteful shade of red at that moment.  
"Appologies Miss Rowan," He stuttered. "I do believe that movie was to blame."  
Rowan smirked. "If you don't like blood and gore don't watch horror films!"  
"What is your fascination with all that horror stuff anyway?" Asked Lister.  
Rowan shrugged. "I am what I am because when I was growing up I was never allowed to be how I wanted, I was raised as posh high society." She cringed as she said the last three words, the thought that she was supposed to be a spohisticated lady made her sick to her stomach. "When me and Caz left Arkan aged eighteen we started to discover new things about ourselves, we discovered a love of horror and gore, of dressing how we felt comfortable without being told we looked like a pair of commoners, a fondness of adventuring and drinking with the masses instead of gluging wine with respectables. Is it any wonder I've turned into a rebelious tomboy?"  
Lister remained silent for a moment before replying. "Sounds about right. Anyway what are you guys doing down here?"  
"Looking for the dartboard that used to be hung in the cargo bay of Star Bug." Replied Rimmer.  
Lister's face lit up like a christmas tree. "You play darts?"  
"Did you not listen to a word I just said?" Questioned Rowan.  
Lister looked offended. "Yeah but that doesn't necessarily mean you play darts."  
Rowan rolled her eyes. "Do you know where it is or not?"

A few hours searching later and Lister came across the dartboard.  
Back at the cabin he put it up on the wall near the lockers and raided out the darts from his locker.  
"Okay boys, pick your poison." Smiled Rowan. "Killer, round the clock..."  
"What's killer?" Asked Rimmer.  
Rowan smirked. "Well each person throws a dart with their left or right hand, it depends which hand you normally use to throw, in which case you throw with the opposite hand. The number you hit becomes your personal number. Everyone understand so far?"  
They all nodded.  
"Okay, you then throw your darts until you hit your number three times, which gains you your killer." She took the chalk and wrote on the board.  
"Say Cat hits a three, everytime he hits three he gets one line of a "K" like so." She drew a K on the board to demostrate, speaking slowly and clearly so Lister could keep up.  
"Triple gets your killer straight away, double; two lines and every singe, one line per dart. Everyone understand?"  
The four of them looked at eachother and then back at Rowan, they nodded.  
"Good, now you all start off with nine lives, so when you get your killer you can start aiming for everyone else and knock their lives down, you can also gain your own lives back by hitting your own number, hit the outer bull lose two lives, hit the bullseye lose four lives, last man standing wins."  
Lister and Cat looked confused at one another.  
Rowan rolled her eyes. "It's easier if we just play it, I'll explain as we go along."

About half an hour later and Lister was still struggling to hit a number.  
"Some time today would be nice!" Snapped Rimmer.  
"Shut up smeg head!" Lister retorted as he finally managed to hit a number.  
"Right," Said Rowan as she wrote on the board. "Lister you're two, Rimmer is six, Cat you fourteen and I'm twenty. Sure you don't want to play Kryten?"  
Kryten ploitely declined. "I have a avery bad history with this game Miss Rowan, I will referee."  
Rowan shrugged and picked up her darts, gracefully throwing them she got a triple twenty and then proceeded to knock three lives off both Cat and Lister.  
"No smegging way!" Snapped Lister. "You're jammier than a field full of strawberries!"  
Rowan laughed and handed her darts to Cat who managed to get two lines of his killer.  
"Good effort Cat." Smiled Rowan as he handed his darts to Rimmer.  
Sneaking up behind Rimmer, Rowan placed her arms round his waist and kissed him on the cheek just as he threw the darts.  
"Can you try that on me?" Questioned Lister as his jaw dropped, seeing Rimmer get his killer straight away and then hit the bullseye.  
"Sorry Lister, my lips are for Rimmer's pleasure only." She smiled as he cuddled her.

Their fun was short lived however as a siren tore through Red Dwarf.  
"What's happening?" Asked Rowan plunging her fingers into her ears.  
"Control room, now!" Yelled Rimmer.  
Reaching the control room they all gathered around the main monitor, fear crossing their faces.  
"Impossible!" Gasped Lister. "No smegging way?"  
"What is it?" Asked Rowan nervously, moving closer to Rimmer.  
Lister turned and looked at her.  
"It's..."  
However before he could say anything else a mighty blast tore through the control room plunging it into darkness.  
"Rimmer? Lister, Cat, Kryten...where are you?" Yelled Rowan, fumbling around in the dark.  
"Well, well, well what do we have here?" Asked a sinister voice.  
Rowan tensed as she turned to where she thought the voice was coming from.  
Suddenly a fist, or what she supposed could be a fist connected with her head knocking her unconcious.


	18. Chapter 18

Rowan's eyes slowly flickered open.  
"Oh man what happened?" She groaned blinking rapidly in the dim light, as she tried to move she realized she was shackled to the wall by her wrists and knealt on what felt like a stone floor.  
"What the?" She twisted her head this way and that trying to get a better look at her surroundings, becoming aware she was in a stone dungeon type chamber with a wooden door at the other end, there was no sign of Rimmer or the others anywhere.  
Suddenly the door creaked open and a clocked figure stepped through and approached her.  
Rowan swallowed hard as the figure stopped and lowered its hood to reveal it's identity.  
"No!" Gasped Rowan in shock. "You're dead!"

Rimmer woke with a start, he pushed himself up groggily coughing up blood.  
"Rowan?" He yelled as he shakily got to his feet, falling back against the wall.  
"Sir are you okay?"  
Rimmer turned to the source of the voice and saw Kryten stood in the corner.  
"What the smeg happened?" He demanded as he approached the mechanoid.  
"I'm not sure Sir." Replied Kryten. "We seem to have been taken from Red Dwarf and brought here."  
"Where are the others?"  
Kryten shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't know Sir, but we appear to be in a dungeon of sorts, I do believe we are in part of a simulant ship."  
"Them again?" Asked Rimmer raising his eyebrows. "Don't they ever quit?"  
"Apparently not Sir."  
Suddenly the door opened and in walked three cloaked figures, approaching Rimmer they stopped and lowered their hoods.  
"Oh Smeg!"

"Hello Rowan."  
"No, you're dead, I killed you!" Yelled Rowan forcing herself further back against the wall.  
"Yes you did didn't you." Smiled Caz. "Your showing off becuase you were a better pilot landed you right in it."  
"I'm sorry!" Pleaded Rowan as Caz roughly took her chin in her hand and pulled her to face her.  
"Sorry isn't good enough...friend."  
She roughly let go of Rowan's chin and slapped her hard across the left side of her face, causing her head to bang off the brick wall.  
"Now look at you, living the life I never had, you've fallen in love. How dare you!"  
Rowan turned back to face her best friend, blood ran from her right temple.  
"I never wanted you to die, you must understand that!" She begged, straining against her shackles. "Rimmer and the others were too late to save you."  
"Ah yes, Rimmer, your lover. I wonder how he will react when he finds out you're a murderer."  
Rowan's eyes narrowed as she felt anger building up in her gut.  
"He already knows what happened, I don't have any secrets from him.  
Caz leered at her. "Well don't worry my friends are taking care of him as we speak."  
Rowan's slowly building anger boiled over and burst forth as she struggled against her shackles once again.  
"You lay so much as one finger on him and this time I'll make sure you stay dead!"

"Hello Arnold."  
Rimmer swallowed hard and back away against the wall.  
"Long time no see, how are you brother?"  
"No way, you're not here, you're dead. YOU'RE ALL SMEGGING DEAD!" He yelled.  
Frank, John and Howard all smiled evilly at once. "That's what you were hoping for."  
"Sir they're not real they're simulants." Said Kryten as he was grabbed from behind by one of the brothers, but his words fell on deaf ears and suddenly his systems failed him and he was paralyzed, unable to speak or move.  
"Now then." Smiled John, letting go of Kryten as he roughly grabbed Rimmer from behind and pulled his arms behind his back restraining him. "What shall we do with old Bone Head?"  
Howard and Frank smiled at eachother and reached into their cloaks. Howard produced a knife while Frank produced a light bee.  
"No!" Yelled Rimmer starting to struggle in his eldest brothers grip. "No! Anything but that!"  
"Yes that!" Smiled John evilly as Howard surged forward, an evil smile still playing on his lips as he plunged the knife into Rimmer's ribs.

Lister and Cat were the last to regain conciousness, they too found themselves in a dimly lit stone dungeon.  
"Cat are you okay?" Asked Lister hoarsely as he pulled his friend to his feet.  
"What the hell happened and where are we? This is not good for my suit!"  
"Never mind your smegging suit!" Snapped Lister. "We gotta find the others."  
Suddenly the door opened and a loud growl filled the air.  
"What was that?" Asked Lister not daring to look round.  
"I dunno, but my nostril hairs are twitching so hard I think I might sneeze." Remarked Cat.  
Turning round Lister and Cat froze to the spot when they saw a giant Gelf standing over them.  
"What the hell is your wife doing here?" Asked Cat.  
"I dunno." Gulped Lister. "I don't plan on staying around to find out, LEG IT!"  
The Gelf roared and swiped at them as they ran past towards the door, managing to claw at Lister and Cat, raking deep furrows into their backs and drawing blood.  
"Ouch, hey man this suit was brand new, I hope you're gonna replace it!" Snapped Cat marching back towards the Gelf, not caring that he had blood pouring from the wound.  
"Cat come on!" Yelled Lister grabbing him and dragging him along.

Frank, John and Howard stood back and admired their handywork as Rimmer crumpled to the floor, clutching his chest, blood pouring out of the wound.  
"Now, I think it's about time we met this girlfriend of yours, she's quite the looker isn't she?"  
Rimmer's breathing came in harsh gasps as he managed a deathglare.  
"You leave her alone!"  
However his three brothers had already left the dungeon and locked the door behind them, laughing evilly.  
"Smeg!" He groaned, his frightened eyes turned towards the light bee, laying useless on the ground. Frank had programmed it so that as soon as Rimmer was dead the light bee would activate and he would once again be a hologram.  
Finally Kryten snapped back into life.  
"Mr Rimmer, Sir!" He gasoed. "You're bleeding!"  
"Really? I hadn't noticed!" Snapped Rimmer, wincing in pain.  
"Rimmer?" Yelled a voice he recognised.  
"Smeg off!" Rimmer called back, clutching his chest again as another sharp jolt of pain engulfed him.  
"Rimmer it's us you smeg head. It's Cat and Lister."  
"How do I know you're not simulants?"  
"One moment Sir." Said Kryten.  
Leaving Rimmer's side Kryten approached the door.  
"Initiating DNA scan."  
A few moments later he turned back to Rimmer. "It's definetly them Sir. Simulants can't mimick DNA.  
"Fine." Growled Rimmer. "One question though, how will they get in to get us out?"  
"The idiots left a key hanging on a hook outside the door." Smiled Lister as he opened the door with a loud creak, his smile disappeared however as he saw the state Rimmer was in.  
"What happened to old smeg head?" Asked Cat as he watched Lister undo Rimmer's jacket and ripped open his teeshirt to reveal the stab wound. His eyes widened in shock.  
"The simulants disguised themselevs as his brothers, they were trying to turn him back into a hologram."  
"They play on your fears?" Questioned Lister. "That's why me and Cat saw a Gelf then. Kryten do a scan on Rimmer, how bad is it?"  
Kryten squatted infront of Rimmer, looking at the wound.  
"Well he's going to survive if we can get him back to Red Dwarf before he bleeds to death, the knife missed his vital organs but went in deep enough to cause serious blood loss."  
"I'm not leaving without Rowan." Snarled Rimmer in agony as Cat and Lister pulled him up and pulled his arms round their shoulders to support him.


	19. Chapter 19

The simulant disguised as Caz continued to torture and torment Rowan.  
"Any minute now your precious Rimmer should be once again be a hologram."  
"You're a liar!" Yelled Rowan struggling against the chains once again.  
"How can you love a hologram Rowan? You'll never be able to hold him, never be able to kiss him."  
Finally something clicked in Rowan's terrified mind. Her Caz, the _real _Caz would never have blamed her for killing her, the _real _Caz knew that what Rowan did was an accident.  
A smirk crossed Rowan's face. Of course this wasn't her deceased best friend, it was a simulant that was feeding off her fear.  
"Go ahead." She yelled. "Kill him, see if I care. I'm too selfish to love anyone remember?"  
Caz frowned at this sudden change of heart.  
"What did you just say?"  
Rowan laughed. "Unchain me, I dare you!"  
Caz hesitated one eyebrow raised.  
"You're not my best friend." Smiled Rowan evilly. "You're a simulant that feeds off fear, well sorry to disappoint you, but the buffets closed and last orders have been called."  
Caz's face twisted into a snarl. "You'll still never find the others, Rimmer's already been injured, he was stabbed through the heart."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "You expect me to believe that?"  
"Suit yourself." Shrugged Caz. "However I rather do fancy a bit of rough and tumble, bring it on you pathetic little human."  
Rowan's shackles disappeared, a smile crossing her face as she felt the adrenaline begin to course through her veins.  
"Let's rumble bitch."

Cat and Lister ran as fast as they could, carrying Rimmer's weakening body between them.  
"How do we get back to Red Dwarf?" Asked Lister.  
"There should be a teleport somewhere around here Sir." Said Kryten.  
"I...told you." Gasped Rimmer struggling to breathe. "I'm not leaving Rowan."  
"Don't worry we're not going anywhere without her." Promised Lister.  
Suddenly a loud shriek split the air.  
"What was that?" Yelled Cat.  
"That's Rowan!" Yelled Rimmer, he winced in pain once more.  
"Kryten?" Asked Lister.  
"I can indeed confirm it may well be Miss Rowan, my DNA scanner shows she's somewhere around here."  
"Well what are we waiting for?" Asked Rimmer.

Caz charged Rowan throwing her back against the wall and knocking the wind from her body.  
Rowan gulped in air as the simulant stepped back to launch another attack, however she managed to duck and the simulants hand connected with the wall.  
Seizing the opportunity, Rowan pinned the simulant against the wall and banged its head off the stone several times.  
"Rowan?" Yelled a voice.  
Rowan's heart lept into her throat.  
"Rimmer? I'm in here!" She yelled.  
However this was the distraction the simulant needed, it grabbed Rowan by her neck, slowly tightening it's grip on her.  
"Say hello to Caz murderer!" Smiled the simulant as Rowan choked, desperately trying to prise its hands from her throat.  
The door flew open and splintered under Lister's ferocious kick.  
"Oi you!" Yelled Rimmer pulling away from Lister and Cat and staggering forward, leaning on the wall for support. "Get your filthy smegging hands off her!"  
"Rimmer!" Choked Rowan as the simulant let her go, dropping her unceremoniously to the floor and walked towards him.  
"You want to kill someone, well come and get me!"  
"Rimemr have you lost the plot?" Gasped Cat.  
"I'd rather be a hologram than live without Rowan." He snarled as the simulant stalked closer to him.  
Rowan gulped in air and staggered to her feet.  
The simulant grabbed Rimmer by the throat and lifted him off the ground.  
"Leave him alone!" Yelled Rowan angrilly, summoning what little strength she had left, she charged the simulant and punched it stright through its stomach, ripping out a handful of circuits.  
It dropped Rimmer instantly and turned to her, taking a menacing step forward before collapsing in a heap.  
Rowan struggled to calm her ragged breathing as she stared angrilly at the simulant.  
Rimmer struggled back up to his feet supported by Lister and Cat. "Easy man, we'll soon have you back on Red Dwarf."  
Rowan ran to him and threw her arms round him, suddenly pulling away in shock as she noticed the blood seeping through his jacket.  
"What happened to you?" She gasped, pulling his head up to face her.  
"The simulants...one of them stabbed me...Rowan, I just want you to know, I love you."  
"Don't talk like that you're going to survive this, look at me...LOOK AT ME!" She yelled angrilly.  
Rimmer's pale face stared at her as he lingered on the brink of unconciousness.  
"You are going to survive this."  
Rimmer managed a small smile before he lapsed into unconciousness.  
Rowan's eyes narrowed and her lip began to twitch, a sure sign that she was out for blood.  
"Kryten how do we get out of here?" She demanded.  
"There's a teleport near the docking bay, we should manage to reach it before the simulants catch up with us."  
"Let's move then."

Reaching the teleport their path was blocked by the Gelf simulant.  
Hiding round the corner Rowan turned to the others.  
"I'll distract it and lure it away from the teleport, once we're out of sight get back to Red Dwarf..."  
"We can't leave you, Rimmer will kill us." Protested Cat.  
"Yeah? Well I'll kill you if you don't get your arses back on Red Dwarf and save his life!"  
Lister and Cat raised their eyebrows at her. He sighed deeply, realising there was no reasoning with her he pulled her into a hug.  
She then smiled and turned to Cat, she gave him a hug and gently scratched behind his ear.  
"Look after the Kryten." She said.  
Kryten nodded. "Good luck Miss Rowan."  
Rowan drew a deep breath and cautiously walked round the corner.  
"Will she be okay?" Asked Cat.  
"She better be, for Rimmer's sake." Said Lister.

"Hey you big ugly goit!" Yelled Rowan.  
The Gelf turned to her and growled.  
"Come and have a go you big hairy freak!"  
With that she ran straight past it, giving it a two fingered salute as she did.  
"Okay Rowan, do this for Rimmer." She muttered to herself.  
The Gelf roared and took off after her, its heavy footsteps pounding the deck as it chased her.  
As soon as they disappeared from view, Lister, Cat and Kryten hurriedly carried Rimmer over to the teleport.  
"How do we know where we'll end up?" Asked Cat.  
"I can programme it to lock onto Red Dwarf's flight recorder." Said Kryten as he began pushing buttons.  
"Here we go."  
A blinding flash of light engulfed them and they disappeared into thin air.


	20. Chapter 20

Lister, Cat, Rimmer and Krtyen crash landed in the cargo bay of Red Dwarf.  
"Nice work Kryten." Smiled Lister as he pulled Rimmer's unconcious body up onto his shoulder.  
"Now lets get this unconcious smeg head to the medical bay, I don't quite fancy having Rowan rip my nuts off and ram them down my throat!"

Rowan dashed down another corridor.  
Her heartbeat pounded in her chest as she heard the Gelf's heavy footfalls gaining on her.  
The part of her plan where she had caused a distraction worked perfectly, however the next step of the plan was as of yet seemingly doomed.  
She rounded a corner and pinned herself up against the wall, giving her a chance to catch her breath, she hoped that Lister and the others had managed to get back to Red Dwarf in one piece.  
The Gelf's footsteps slowed down and Rowan could hear it sniffing the air, trying to pick up her scent.  
She swallowed hard and nodded to herself. "It's the only way to make sure the guys escape."  
As the Gelf passed her she jumped on its back and wrapped her arms round its thick hairy neck, desperately trying to strangle it.  
The Gelf went wild, throwing her this way and that like a puppet on strings, its loud roars ringing in her ears as she clung on for her life.

Reaching the medical bay, Lister and Cat laid Rimmer down on the medical table and removed his jacket and teeshirt, getting a good look at the stab wound on the left side of his chest.  
"We must act quickly Sirs." Said Kryten as he poured antiseptic liquid over the wound to clean it. "Mr Rimmer has lost a lot of blood. Thankfully the knife didn't do any damage to his heart or lungs."  
"So what are his chances?" Asked Lister as Kryten set about stitching up the wound.  
"I'd say he stands a fifty percent chance of survival, we will need to keep a close eye on him though, his heartbeat is very weak."  
"Now tell us the truth." Demanded Lister.  
Kryten lowered his head guiltily.  
"Lie mode cancel. It doesn't look good Sir, I wouldn't hold out much hope."  
Cat looked at the unconcious Rimmer and then turned to Lister.  
"Do you think Rowan will make it out alive?"  
Lister looked down at Rimmer. "I hope so man, it'll destroy him if she doesn't."

Finally the Gelf managed to throw Rowan from its body, sending her flying down the corridor and smashing into a wall.  
Rowan crumpled up in a heap under the impact as the Gelf came towards her, she weakly raised her head and snarled at her attacker.  
The Gelf raised a hair paw to swipe at her, but Rowan was too quick for it.  
Despite being severly weakened she managed to grab a sharp piece of metal piping and plunged it into the Gelf's stomach.  
"That's for Rimmer you bastard!" She yelled as she drove it in deeper, causing the Gelf to cry out as blood spurted from the wound.  
Turning and running back towards the teleport she came across a room marked "MUNITIONS STORES."  
A smile crossed her face, she had an idea.

"Well all we can do now is hope he pulls through." Said Kryten as he bandaged Rimmer's wound.  
Lister and Cat looked at him with hope in their eyes. His heartbeat was still weak and they could barely see his chest rising and falling as he breathed.  
"Come on you smeg head, wake up." Begged Lister. "I'm not ready to be castrated!"  
Cat shook his head and tutted. "It's all about you isn't it? self, self, self!" He turned to Rimmer.  
"Come on man, wake up I don't wanna be neutered!"  
However Rimmer didn't move, he remained completely motionless and unreseponsive.

Kicking down the door, Rowan dashed inside and looked around.  
Sure enough the room was full to bursting with bazookoids and grenades.  
"Now we're getting somewhere." She smiled as she picked up one of the bazookoids and a handfull of grenades, stuffing them into her pockets and going back for more.  
The door suddenly burst open and the angry Gelf stood there, blood still dripping from its gaping wound.  
"Ah." Said Rowan trying not to panic. "Change of plan I think."  
She pulled all of the grenades out of her pockets and pulled the pins out, scattering them throughout the store room.  
Charging the Gelf she grabbed the pipe and pushed it further into its body, causing another deafening shriek to rip through the air as it raised a hairy paw and sent her flying back into the store room as it staggered sideways away from the door.  
Rowan shook her head groggily and dropped the bazookoid, there was no use for it now, her left arm was hanging limp by her side. Probably broken from the impact of being thrown against the store room wall.  
She scrambled to her feet and ran from the store room as a huge fireball errupted behind her.  
Running for her life she dared not look back as the ship began to shake and collapse around her.  
A satisfied smile crossed her face as she found the teleport pad and pushed the button.  
She hoped and prayed that it was configured to land her back on Red Dwarf as the simulant ship burst into a magnificent fireball.

Lister, Cat and Kryten looked up at the sound of the blast and ran to the control room, looking at the monitor they saw the huge fireball that was the simulant ship exploding.  
"She did it!" Laughed Lister. "She destroyed it!"  
"At what cost though Sir?" Asked Kryten, putting a damper on Lister's good mood.  
"Oh no, you don't think?" Asked Lister, his heart sinking.  
Cat looked at him with sadness in his eyes while Kryten couldn't meet his gaze.  
"Oh smeg, what are we gonna tell Rimmer?"

Down in the cargo bay Rowan landed roughly with an unceremonious bump on her broken arm, a cry of agony escaping her lips.  
"Argh smeg that bloody hurts!" She hissed as she struggled to her feet and began walking towards the medical bay.  
She hoped and prayed the others were okay, especially Rimmer. She couldn't bare the thought of losing him.

"Did you hear that?" Asked Cat, his ears pricking up. "I heard a scream, down in the cargo bay."  
Lister smiled hopefully. "Rowan?"  
"Could be." Said Cat as he ran from the room followed by Kryten and Lister.  
"Rowan? Rowan is that you?" Yelled Lister as they approached the cargo bay.  
After a few moments silence they were greeted by a reply.  
"Lister?"  
Lister's face lit up. "It's her, she's alive come on!"  
A few moments later, Rowan's battered and bruised form appeared.  
Lister grabbed her in a tight hug squeezing the air from her lungs, before being slapped round the face for causing her more pain in her broken arm.  
"You're alive!" Gasped Cat as he gently hugged her.  
"Barely." Laughed Rowan. "I honestly thought I was going to snuff it back there!"  
"It's good to see you Miss Rowan." Smiled Kryten.  
Rowan nodded but her smile soon faded.  
"How's Rimmer?"  
An awkward silence passed over the group, broken only when Rowan lost her temper at the lack of a response.  
"Is he going to live?" She snapped.  
"It's not looking good." Replied Lister.  
Rowan shook her head and staggered backwards, shaking her head.  
"No, no, I can't lose him!" She screamed as Lister drew her into his arms. "I can't lose him, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Where is he I want to see him."  
She struggled in Lister's embrace but to no avail.  
"Look calm down, we'll get you sorted and then you can see him."  
Still holding her shaking body against him Lister escorted Rowan to one of the medical examination rooms.

Rowan sat on the medical bed while Kryten put a cast on her broken arm and put it in a sling.  
"Be careful with it Miss Rowan, it's going to take a while to heal."  
"Thanks." Said Rowan emotionlessly as she slid off the bed and made to leave and find Rimmer.  
"Erm Miss Rowan may I have a word?"  
"Can it wait?" She asked impatiently, desperate to see Rimmer.  
"No I'm afraid not, you may want to sit down."  
"Kryten just tell me!" She snapped, however her eyes soon widened and her jaw dropped as she heard what the mechanoid had to say.  
"Y-you're sure?" She asked, still unable to take it in.  
"Absolutely." Replied Kryten.  
Rowan swallowed hard and shook her head in disbelief.  
"Can you take me to see Rimmer now please." She asked numbly.  
"Are you sure that's a good idea."  
"Please Kryten I need to see him." Said Rowan.

Lister and Cat were stood near the bed where Rimmer laid still unconcious.  
"Hey, how are you?" Asked Lister.  
Rowan's hand went to her mouth when she saw Rimmer's body, thankfully the wound to his chest was covered by a bandage and theere was no blood seeping through.  
"I'm okay." She lied as she stood next to the bed and looked at Rimmer.  
Kryten pulled up a chair and helped a shocked Rowan sit down.  
"I think we should give them some space." He said.  
"We'll be just outside if you need us."  
Rowan didn't respond.  
Lister and Cat looked at eachother and left the room.  
Tears filled Rowan's eyes as she looked at Rimmer, reaching out she took his hand and squeezed it, hoping and praying that he would respond. Unfortunately he didn't.  
"Rimmer?" She asked as tears streaked her cheeks.  
No response.  
"Rimmer please, wake up." She sobbed. "Please don't do this to me."  
Lister and Cat watched from the doorway with sorrowful looks, they refused to leave Rowan and Rimmer on their own. If the worst came to the worst Rowan would be inconsolable.  
"Please don't leave me, I love you." She pleaded.  
Again no response, not even twitch.  
Rowan didn't bother fighting back her tears, she was too emotionally drained.  
Lowering her head she sobbed and brought his hand up to her face, kissing it and holding it against her cheek.  
"Rimmer you can't die..." She took a deep breath and swallowed hard, the words fell from her mouth in a harsh sob before she could stop them.  
"You're going to be a father!"


	21. Chapter 21

Lister and Cat stared at eachother wide eyed, before turning to Kryten.  
"She's pregnant?" Gasped Cat. "With Rimmer's kid?"  
Kryten nodded. "It came up on the medi com."  
Lister shook his head and looked at the floor. "He's just gotta pull through this, he's got everything to live for now."  
Cat looked at Rowan and then turned his attention back to Lister and Kryten. "He better pull through otherwise if he comes back as a hologram again, I'll be calling him something a lot harsher than goal post head!"  
Lister looked into the medical bay. "Come on smeg head, Rowan needs you. Wake up for smegs sake man!"

Over four hours passed.  
Kryten had gone to the control room to offline and repair himself, while Cat and Lister kept vigil outside the medical room, they had both fallen asleep sat either side of the door.  
Rowan remained by Rimmer's side, refusing to move or let go of his hand incase he came round.  
By now she had fallen asleep with her head on her arms, still tightly grasping his hand in hers.  
Finally Rimmer stirred, his eyes flickered rapidly trying to focus in the brightness of the medical bay. It didn't help that his vision was blurred and he felt disorientated.  
A groggy groan escaped his lips as his right hand moved to his chest, he winced in pain as he felt the bandage there.  
Finally able to focus his slowly clearing vision he smiled softly as he saw Rowan asleep by his side. He managed to tug his hand away from hers and gently stroke her hair as she slept.  
Rowan moaned softly and stirred at his touch, raising her head she half opened her eyes, hidden by her fringe.  
"Hey you." Croaked Rimmer, his throat was dryer than a desert which made speaking hard.  
Rowan's eyes widened and she jumped out of the chair.  
"Rimmer?" She gasped, a smile slowly working it way to her face. "Oh my God, ha! You're alive!"  
"So I'm not a hardlight hologram again?" He asked nervously.  
Rowan laughed and grabbed his head, passionately kissing him. "Nope, you're still alive."  
"Thank God for that." He groaned as he rubbed his eyes.  
"I thought I'd lost you." Said Rowan close to tears as she softly nuzzled his right cheek.  
"I'm going nowhere." He smiled as he managed to push himself up into a sitting position, wincing in pain as he did.  
"Why would I when I've got you?"  
Rowan smiled and sat on the bed facing him, wondering how to tell him the news.  
"Well there's three of us now. You, me and..."  
She bit her lip and looked down at her stomach then back up at him.  
Rimmer's eyes widened so quick his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Are you..."  
Rowan nodded and smiled at the look of pure shock on his face.  
"Oh my God!" He gasped, looking like he was going to faint. "That...that's...you mean I..."  
Rowan laughed and nodded. "Yep, you're going to be a father."

Lister and Cat were roughly shaken awake by Rowan.  
"Oi wake up smeg heads someone wants to see you."  
Lister yawned and stretched, suddenly realising who she meant, he jumped up and raced into the medical room.  
"Rimmer!" He laughed. "Cat get in here!"  
Cat burst in with a huge smile on his face.  
"Hey laundry chute nostrils you're alive!"  
Rimmer smirked but said nothing.  
"So hows it going...dad?" Smiled Lister.  
"What? How did you guys know?" Asked Rowan as she sat next to Rimmer on the medical bed.  
"We heard you telling Rimmer while he was unconcious."  
Rowan rolled her eyes but smirked as Lister gently hugged her.  
"Congratulations, does this mean I'm gunna be an uncle?"  
"If you want to." Smiled Rowan. "Uncle Listy does have a nice ring to it."  
"What about me?" Asked Cat.  
"Of course you as well Cat." Smiled Rowan looking at Rimmer. "What do you reckon?"  
Rimmer laughed and put his arm round her shoulders. "Why not, we're not going to find any one else!"  
Rowan shot him a deathglare, but her expression soon softened as he kissed her cheek and rested his head on her shoulder.

As the weeks went by, the crew recovered from their ordeal well.  
Rimmer's wound had healed and he was left with just a small scar and Rowan's arm healed nicely, she was soon back to her normal self, apart from the now slight swell of her stomach.  
She left the cabin early that morning, leaving the boys to sleep in while she went to the memorial suite on J Deck.  
A headstone with several photos and candles at the end of the gangway now had a new picture and candle.  
Rowan smiled and squatted down to look at the photo.  
Caz in her pilots uniform infront of the vessel she and Rowan once owned.  
"Well, it's happened." Smiled Rowan. "I've found love and I'm pregnant. I always said it would never happen, but it has...I just wish you were here."  
She sighed deeply. "Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. If it's a girl I'll name her Caz and if it's a boy...tough!"  
She smiled as she continued to stare at the photograph, she could just imagine the third degree interrogation Rimmer would be facing if Caz were still alive.  
"Don't worry about me, Rimmer will look after us. I promise you that."

Rimmer was up first later that morning, Lister and Cat were still asleep in their bunks.  
After getting dressed Rimmer sat at the table and rested his chin on his hands, the whole idea of being a parent was finally sinking in and to be honest it was starting to make him nervous.  
His own parents never showed him any sign of love or affection, so how did he know that their influence wouldn't rub off on him? He wanted to badly to prove to Rowan that he could be a good father but he wasn't sure he could.  
Lister groaned and yawned on the top bunk, jolting Rimmer out of his thoughts.  
"You're up early aren't ya?" He questioned climbing down from the bunk and sitting opposite him.  
Rimmer shrugged. "Just thinking.  
Lister smirked. "Not worried about becoming a dad are we?"  
Rimmer narrowed his eyes, his nostrils flaring as he deathglared Lister.  
"Come on man," Laughed Lister. "Rowan's not expecting you to be an expert at it straight away, I'm sure she's just as nervous."  
Rimmer looked at him and his expression softened.  
"I just don't want to turn out like my parents."  
Lister smiled softly and got out of his chair as he headed to the galley, placing his hand on Rimmer's shoulder.  
"You won't, trust me. You'll be a fantastic dad."  
Rimmer smiled. "There's just one more thing I need to do first."  
"Yeah, what's that?"  
Rimmer smirked. "I'm going to ask Rowan to marry me."


	22. Chapter 22

Lister stopped, frozen to the spot, his jaw almost hit the floor.  
"You? Propose to Rowan?"  
Rimmer frowned. "Why do you think she'll say no?"  
Lister laughed. "Rimmer, if she's willing to have your kid, I think she'll be more than willing to marry you. She'll probably frogmarch you up the aisle faster than you can say I do!"  
Rimmer raised an eyebrow in distaste. "I'm serious Lister."  
"So am I you smeg head, of course she'll say yes."  
Rimmer sighed. "I've never felt this way about anyone Lister. Never cared for love or having a family, it's all...happening so fast."  
Lister smirked left the room.  
"You'll be fine."

Returning from the memorial suite on J Deck Rowan was feeling unwell.  
Morning sickness was starting to kick in and she kept feeling the need to vomit every five minutes.  
"Hey there's my favourite yummy mummy!"  
Rowan turned to the sound of the voice as she saw Cat come skipping merrily up behind her.  
"Shouldn't you be catching up on your beauty sleep?" Teased Rowan.  
"Shouldn't you be knitting booties?" He countered with a smile.  
Rowan's smirk widened. "Nah that's your job!"  
Cat's jaw dropped. "How long have I got?"  
"Oh about another seven and a half months."  
"Seven and a half months?" Gasped Cat. "I better get started!"  
He ran off down the corridor muttering "only seven and a half months to knit booties?"  
Rowan laughed and shook her head as she entered the sleeping quarters, a warm smile crossed her face as she saw Rimmer sat with his back to her.  
"Finally awake I see." She smiled as she put her arms round his shoulders and nuzzled his cheek.  
Rimmer smiled and arched his neck back to look at her. "How are you feeling?"  
"You really want me to answer that?" She laughed as he pulled her round to sit on his lap and rested a hand on her stomach.  
"I'm being sick at least ten times a day and Ive got an awful craving for chicken vindaloo...I HATE chicken vindaloo!"  
Rimmer laughed and shook his head. "Thank God I can't get pregnant."  
Rowan narrowed her eyes. "Oh don't worry mister, I'm going to make your life hell for the next seven and a half months, don't you worry about that. Especially when labour day arrives, I'll make you wish you'd never met me!"  
"Please don't go all hormonal on me!" Laughed Rimmer, earning him a slap round the face.  
Rimmer gulped and looked away rubbing his sore face.  
Rowan however smirked evilly and pulled his face back to her before giving him a brief kiss.  
"Don't say I didn't warn you!"  
With that she got off his lap and walked towards the door just as he was about to pull her closer for a cuddle.  
"Rowan." Called Rimmer.  
She stopped and looked at him.  
"I'm sorry."  
She smiled warmly and shook her head. "Just watch what you say for the next few months, I don't want to have to lay you out!"  
"Understood." He replied nervously as she left the room.

Lister entered the galley and started raiding around for last nights leftover chicken vindaloo.  
"Lost something Sir?" Asked Kryten as he entered.  
"What did you do with last nights chicken vindaloo?"  
"Miss Rowan ate it Sir."  
Lister laughed. "Rowan? She hates vindaloo."  
"Well it appears that now she is pregnant she has developed a strange craving for them."  
Lister couldn't keep the smile from his face.  
"I can see I'll have to hide my vindaloos for the next few months."  
"Try it and I'll garrott you with your dreadlocks once I've cut them off with a rusty breadknife!"  
Lister and Kryten spun round at the sound of Rowan entering the galley.  
"Whoa, what's wrong with you little Holly Hormonal?"  
Rowan's eyes widened and she pinned Lister up against one of the cupboards by his throat, completely ignoring Kryten who was slowly and nervously backing out of the galley.  
"What did you just call me?" She snarled.  
Lister gulped nervously. "Kryten, help!" He squeaked.  
"Stay out of this novelty condom head." Snapped Rowan. "Unless you want me to panel beat your head into a perfect cube and stick it in the worlds largest cocktail glass and pour tequila all over it!"  
Kryten turned and ran from the galley, leaving Lister at Rowan's mercy.  
"I'm going to ask you again." She snarled dangerously. "What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me?"  
"Holly Hormonal?" He squeaked again, flinching as he expected to feel her fist connect with his face.  
However she just dropped him and stood staring at him, her bottom lip quivering.  
"I'm just one big joke to you aren't I?" She questioned, her voice trembling.  
"What?" Asked Lister.  
"Just because I'm the only female on the ship and I'm pregnant." She said, her voice choking into a sob.  
"Even Rimmer's making fun of me becuase my hormones are all over the place, none of you understand what it's like for me. I'm not something that should be mocked, I'm PREGNANT GODDAMNIT!"  
Lister took a step towards her but she turned on her heel and walked away, he shook his head in disbelief.  
They still had another seven and a half months of this to put up with, how were they all going to survive?

Lister re-entered the sleeping quarters and jumped up on his bunk, hanging over the edge he looked down at Rimmer who was laid on his back on this own bunk with his hands behind his head.  
"You okay man?" He asked, hanging over and looking down.  
Rimmer sighed before replying.  
"I bottled it, I didn't manage to ask her."  
Lister shook his head in sympathy.  
"You need to do something to cheer her up, her hormones are allover the place, one minute she's as mad as a bull having a red flag waved infront of it and then in the next breath she's upset."  
Rimmer sat bolt upright. "What did you say to her?" He demanded angrilly.  
"Well I thought I was being funny when I called her Holly Hormonal but she completely lost it and pinned me up against the cupboard by my throat!"  
Rimmer slowly laid back and nodded. "Yeah I kind of upset her earlier as well, I told her not to get hormonal on me and got a slap round the face."  
Lister tried not to laugh, he knew it was wrong to laugh but Rowan slapping Rimmer? He was gutted to have missed that.  
"Lister?"  
"Yeah?"  
Rimmer bit his lip. "Will you help me..." He swallowed hard, he hated asking for Lister's help but he felt he needed it badly enough to ask.  
"Will you help me come up with a way to propose to Rowan?"  
Lister hung his head over the side of his bunk to look at Rimmer, a huge smile on his face.  
"Course I will man," He said enthusiatcially. "But..."  
"Oh I knew it." Snapped Rimmer. "What do I have to do in return?"  
"Let me be your best man."  
Rimmer blinked in disbelief. "That's it?" He questioned unconvinced. "You'll help me find a way to propose to Rowan and all you want in return is to be my best man?"  
Lister laughed. "Yeah, why what do you take me for?"  
"I have no idea." Muttered Rimmer before turning back to Lister.  
"Okay then what should I do?"  
Lister rolled his eyes thoughtfully. "What happened on your first date together?"  
Rimmer smiled at the memory. "Candlelit dinner, music and dancing."  
Lister smiled. "There's your answer then. Re-create your first date together and just slip the engagement ring into her wine glass."  
"One problem."  
"What?"  
"I don't have a ring."  
Lister frowned, this presented a bit of a problem.  
"You will have, trust me."


	23. Chapter 23

Rowan stood on the observation deck and looked out into space.  
Damn her hormones for making her act the way she was, the quicker the next seven and a half months passed by the better she would feel.  
"Are you okay Miss Rowan?"  
Rowan turned round and saw Kryten approach.  
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Are Lister and Rimmer okay?"  
"I'm sure he's learned his lesson, what happened with Mr Rimmer?"  
"I kind of slapped him round the face." Said Rowan guiltily.  
"I'm sure he deserved it, if he was making fun of your hormones like Mr Lister he certainly did."  
Rowan smiled and shook her head, running her hands absent mindedly over her stomach.  
"The sooner you're born, the better, cos you're driving me crazy at the minute."  
Kryten rested a hand on her shoulder.  
"Don't worry about Mr Lister and Mr Rimmer, I'm sure they won't hold it against you."  
Rowan smiled and continued gazing out into space.

"There you are!" Smiled Lister, pulling a piece of paper from down the side of his bunk.  
"Peterson nicked it off Todd Hunter, this guy claims he's the best jeweler in the universe."  
"So where is it?" Asked Rimmer.  
"About a weeks journey there and back if we take Star Bug."  
Rimmer shrugged and nodded, maybe a few days away from eachother was exactly what he and Rowan needed.  
"No time like the present." Said Rimmer.  
"What about Rowan, don't you want to say goodbye first?"  
Rimmer paused a moment, unsure what to do.  
"I'll leave her a note, she'll be fine."  
"If you're sure." Said Lister sounding uncertain. "Do you really want to leave her on her own for a week in her condition?"  
"Trust me, she'll probably be glad to get away from me for a few days. Now come on lets go."

By the time Rowan arrived back at the sleeping quarters Lister and Rimmer had departed in Star Bug leaving her alone with Kryten and Cat for the next seven days.  
"Where is everyone?" Asked Rowan as she entered the sleeping quarters and found Cat sprawled out on his bunk listening to her i-pod.  
"There's a note for you on the table." He said before resuming flicking through her playlists.  
With a curious look on her face Rowan picked up the note and unfolded it:  
_  
Rowan,  
Lister and i have taken Star Bug and gone looking for supplies for Red Dwarf, thanks to your hormones we're running low on chicken vindaloo!  
_  
"Cheeky bastard!" Laughed Rowan as she carried on reading.

_Unfortunately we may be gone for some time, Lister is being a gimboid and insisting on going to the biggest vindaloo suppliers this side of the cosmos, should hopefully be back in a weeks time.  
Kryten and Cat will look after you until I return. Look after yourself and don't let those two stress you out.  
I love you, R x._

Rowan frowned as she folded the letter and sat on her bunk.  
"You okay?" Asked Cat sitting up and jumping off his bunk, moving to sit next to her.  
Rowan managed a small smile.  
"I'm fine, just would've thought he'd have waited to say goodbye properly instead of leaving a note."  
Cat smiled sympathetically and put an arm round her shoulders.  
"I know what will cheer you up."  
"What?" She asked.  
"Booties!" He squealed excitedly. "Come on, we can pick out color schemes, I was thinking black with silver sequins if it's a boy or red with gold sequins if it's a girl."  
Rowan laughed and scratched him behind his right ear, making him roll his eyes into the back of his head and purr loudly.  
"You are such a gimp." She smiled affectionately. "You'll make a great uncle though."  
"Thanks...I think." Replied Cat.

After dinner Rowan got changed and got comfortable on her bunk.  
She felt exhausted and she knew it would take a lot longer for her to get to sleep that night, mainly due to the fact that she didn't have Rimmer's warm embrace to snuggle into.  
She sighed and laid back, burying her face into the pillows, breathing in deeply, breathing in his scent so she could imagine that he was still there with her.  
"Mr Rimmer will be back before you know it." Said Kryten comfortingly.  
Rowan pulled the blanket over her and looked at one of the pictures on the wall of the bunk.  
Kryten had taken the picture or her and Rimmer from the surprise party they'd thrown him for his birthday and framed it.  
She laid there for a few moments, her hands behind her head as she continued to stare at the photo, still trying to get it clear in her mind why Rimmer had left a nite saying he was leaving for a week instead of saying goodbye to her face, was mad at her? Was he starting to regret having met her and finding out she was pregnant?  
She sighed and turned over to face the wall, tears slowly began welling in her eyes as she realised he wasn't going to climb into the bunk beside her, pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be okay. She felt more alone now than she ever had in her life.

The next seven days passed so slowly it was almost unbearable.  
Cat and Kryten did their best to keep her occupied with booties and baby names, but nothing seemed to work and they both ended up arguing over who would berate Rimmer for leaving Rowan on her own first.  
It was the day Rimmer and Lister were due back and Cat was awake first as he heard the sound of a ships engines pass the sleeping quarters window.  
"That best be gerbil features and grand canyon nostrils." He yawned as he sat up and looked over at Rowan, she was laid facing him but from the way she remained oblivious to his presence he assumed she was still asleep.  
Deciding not to disturb her, he made his way down to the docking bay where he saw Star Bug coming in for a landing.  
Not bothered that he was still clad in a pair of sky blue pyjamas with silver sequins arranged in cloud shapes he marched down to Star Bug as he saw Rimmer and Liser emerge.  
"Where the Hell have you two been?" Snapped Cat angrilly. "Rowan's been a mess for the past seven days."  
Rimmer's face fell when he heard her name. "Is she okay?"  
"No toilet brush head she is not okay!" Snapped Cat. "She's been really upset the past week, wondering why you couldn't be bothered to say a proper goodbye instead of leaving her a note."  
Lister and Rimmer looked guiltily at eachother. "Told you it was a bad idea man." Said Lister.  
"Where is she?"  
"Asleep, finally. Six nights she's cried herself to sleep wondering why you couldn't say a proper goodbye to her, you know how hormonal she's been the past few weeks are you trying to send her over the edge?"  
Rimmer looked at the floor, wracked with guilt.  
"So where have you been?" Cat's tone softened slightly.  
"Getting little miss hormonal an engagement ring." Grinned Lister. "Rimmer's gunna propose."  
Cat's eyes widened and he felt a little guilty for being so hard on them.  
"So the note about needing supplies?"  
Lister grinned. "We made it up to throw her off the scent. Even managed to find the wedding rings, I mean come on, she's hardly gonna say no to him is she?"  
"Well I hope it cheers her up," Cat turned to Rimmer. "Sorry buddy, good luck and all that. So lets see the ring."  
"Not yet man, have patience." Smirked Lister, he turned to Rimmer. "Shouldn't you show your face before Rowan comes looking for you?"  
Rimmer nodded but said nothing, he walked away towards the sleeping quarters he had some serious making up to do.

Entering the sleeping quarters he saw Rowan laid facing him, her fringe covering her face.  
He smiled affectionately and sat on the bunk, leaning over her her gently brushed her hair back behind her ear and rested his head against hers.  
Rowan groaned groggily and slowly opened her eyes, finding a pair of dark brown eyes staring back at her.  
She blinked rapidly and looked up at Rimmer.  
"I'm back." He smiled softly.  
Rowan managed a tired smile as she sat up and hugged him, holding him tightly to make sure he couldn't escape her.  
"I'm sorry I didn't wait to say I was leaving properly, it was all a bit...spur of the moment."  
"I thought you were still ignoring me cos I was being a hormonal wreck." She replied as she pulled away and looked at him.  
Rimmer laughed and shook his head.  
"Nah, just had a few things to sort out with Lister." He gently cupped her chin in his hand, running his thumb over her cheek.  
"I'm back now and I'm not going anywhere else without you in a hurry."


	24. Chapter 24

Later that day, Rimmer made his way to the officers quarters to meet Kryten.  
He had finally mustered the courage to ask Rowan to marry him and he had decided the best way to do that was to re-create their first date together, thanks to a little persuasion from Lister, as much as he hated to admit it, the annoying git did have some ideas that weren't completely stupid.  
"Ah Mr Rimmer Sir." Said Kryten as Rimmer entered the officers quarters.  
"Is everything ready for tonight?" Asked Rimmer.  
Kryten nodded. "Yes Sir, I've managed to find the same music and the scutters are busy polishing the candle larbors ready for this evening.  
"Good." Nodded Rimmer. "Now, remember. Rowan mustn't suspect anything, keep this to yourself."  
"Of course Sir." Said Kryten with a wink.  
Rimmer smiled in satisfaction and left the room, everything was proceeding according to plan.

Rowan and Cat were sat in the sleeping quarters at the table looking through a selection of booties that Cat had knitted.  
"Well, I really don't know what to say." Said Rowan struggling not to laugh as she looked at the large pile of brightly coloured sequined booties that dominated the table.  
Cat smiled and picked up a bright blue pair with gold sequins. "Come on, you can't tell me your son or daughter won't look absolutely fabulous in these?"  
Rowan could hold back no longer, she burst out laughing. "I'm sorry Cat, but they're way too outrageous. Rimmer would hit the roof if he saw the baby wearing them."  
Cat's smile faded and was replaced by a frown. "Yeah well toilet brush hair doesn't have any fashion sense."  
"Don't call him that!" She laughed. "That's the father of my child your insulting! Plus I happen to think his hairs quite cute especially first thing in a morning when it's all over the place."  
"Cute?" Questioned Cat with wide eyes. "You'd be better of dating a toilet brush, it's much better looking!"  
"That's rich coming from you!" She snorted. "Some of the things you do to your hair! You look like a reject from Strictly Come Dancing!"  
Cat opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it, he was well aware of what happened to Rimmer and Lister when they started winding her up.  
A short while later, Lister entered the sleeping quarters and placed a small box tied with ribbon under his matress.  
"You best not be hiding any vindaloo under there." Smirked Rowan, not looking up from the pile of booties infront of her as she and Cat started sorting them into neat pairs.  
Lister jumped round to face them.  
"Oh hey guys, didn't notice you two sat there."  
Rowan turned to face him. "You seen Rimmer today?"  
Lister shrugged. "Sorry Rowan, not seen him since yesterday, he'll be around here somewhere."  
Rowan shrugged and turned back to the table.  
Lister breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that Rowan remained oblivious to the fact that he had hidden a pair of wedding rings under his mattress.

As evening approached, Rowan headed down to the shower room.  
She undressed and looked at her bump in the mirror, a small smile crossed her face she ran her hands over it.  
"Don't go getting too big now will you?" She laughed.  
She started singing to herself as she stepped into the shower.  
"I'm lying alone with my head on the phone, thinking of you till it hurts. I know you are hurt too, but what else could we do? Tormented and torn apart."  
She stopped abruptly as she heard the door open, risking a peek she noticed one of the scutters staring at her, its head cocked to one side.  
"Hey this aint a peep show!" Snapped Rowan, she frowned as she saw it holding a note in its grasp.  
"What's this?" She took the note and opened it, being careful not to wet the paper.  
"_Rowan, meet me in the offciers quarters tonight, I'll be waiting. Love Rimmer x._"  
Rowan shrugged. "Thanks." She said to the scutter before closing the curtain and continuing her shower.

Rimmer was in the sleeping quarters straightening his unfirom, watched eagerly by Cat, Kryten and Lister.  
"Well?" He asked as he put his cap on and straightened it. "Will I do?"  
Lister smiled and nodded. "Go get her tiger!"  
"You look very smart Sir." Replied Kryten. "Miss Rowan is going to how do you humans say...bowled over by it all."  
"You got the ring buddy?" Asked Cat.  
Rimmer checked his left trouser pocket and produced a small black box, opening it he looked inside and nodded.  
"Good luck smeg head." Smiled Lister offering his hand.  
Rimmer raised an eyebrow in surprise but accepted and the two men shook hands.  
Cat then did the same, if Rimmer didn't know any better he'd say they were actually starting to regard him as a friend rather than a target for all their insults.  
With that he left the sleeping quarters and headed down to the officers quarters.

Rowan exited the shower and arrived back in the sleeping quarters ten minutes after Rimmer had left.  
Cat remained behind to wait for her while Lister and Kryten went to watch events unfold in the control room.  
"Ah Rowan you're back." Smiled Cat, trying to act innocent. "Did you get Rimmer's note?"  
Rowan ruffled her now dry hair and pulled it back into a pony tail, brushing stray hairs from her shirt.  
"Yeah, any ideas what's going on?"  
"Nope." He lied. "Although he did ask me to tell you it was formal dress tonight, I think he's trying to grease you up after leaving you for a week."  
"Oh really?" Smirked Rowan evilly. "Well so he should, he's still in my bad books at the moment."  
Cat grinned. "Well I think we should get you all spruced up."  
Rowan smirked as he produced the same black dress she had worn on her first date with Rimmer.  
"Hand it over."  
As Rowan left the sleeping quarters, Cat hung back until he was sure she waqs out of sight and then hurried to the control room to join Kryten and Lister.  
"All set." He smiled as he looked at the monitor and saw Rowan enter the officers quarters.

Entering the officers quarters Rowan had a strong sense of deja-vu.  
She smiled as she saw the table laid out exactly how it was when she dined with Rimmer, even the same music was playing and he was stood in exactly the same position staring out of the window into space.  
"Well, this seems strangely familiar." She laughed as she approached him.  
Rimmer turned to face her and smiled. "It does doesn't it?"  
Rowan smirked. "If your trying to grease round me to get back into my good books...you're doing a very good job it's working.  
Rimmer laughed and shook his head. "Far from it, I just wanted to show you how much I missed you this past week."  
Taking his hand in hers they walked to the table and he allowed her to sit first before taking his seat opposite her.

Meanwhile in the control room, Lister Cat and Kryten were watching their every move on the monitor.  
"Come on Rimmer man, pop the question before you bottle it." Begged Lister, the wait proving too much for him to bear.  
"At least let them have their meal first Sir." Said Kryten with a certain amount of demanding in his voice.  
"Easy Kryten, I'm on pins and needles here man!" Replied Lister.  
Cat however was too busy watching the pair talk as they dined to be interested in the arguing human and mechanoid.  
"Shut up will you, they've finished the meal. Oh man here we go!"  
"What?" Asked Lister.  
"He's standing up and walking over to her, this could be it!"

Rimmer reached into his trouser pocket and took the small black box out and slipped it behind his back as he approached Rowan.  
"Are you going to ask me to dance again?" She asked with a smile.  
Rimmer laughed and shook his head. "Not this time."  
Rowan raised her eyebrows in anticipation.  
Drawing a deep breath Rimmer looked at Rowan and got down on one knee, he stared deep into her sapphire blue eyes, trying hard to keep the smile from his face as her eyes widened.  
"You're the most incredible person I've ever met. I can't imagine life without you and I don't want to even try because I know it just wouldn't be worth living. So basically what I'm asking you..." He paused and opened the box revealing a magnificent gold ring with a small cluster of no less than fifteen tiny diamonds. "Rowan Redfield, will you marry me?"  
Rowan's heart was hammering in her chest and her breath caught in her throat.  
Rimmer raised his eyebrows hoepfully, waiting nervously for her response.  
"Yes of course I will." She said unable to contain her her emotions, tears of joy shone in her eyes as Rimmer placed the ring on the third finger of her left hand.

In the control room Lister and Cat were jumping up and down screaming like maniacs hugging one another and laughing.  
"Oh my God Rimmer's getting married!" Screamed Lister like a teenage school girl as he finally let go of Cat and jumped on Kryten.  
"Old laundry chute nostrils finally came good in the end." Laughed Cat, removing a red silk hanky from his jacket pocket and dabbing his watering eyes.  
"Oh man this is too much!" He bawled, letting his tears stream down his face.  
"I haven't been to a wedding in years." Said Kryten feeling excited. "I need to find some confetti and bake a cake."

Rowan stood from the table and pulled Rimmer up to face her.  
She stared into his dark brown eyes for what seemed like an eternity, unable to keep the smile from her face.  
"I love you so much Rowan," Smiled Rimmer as he rested his head against hers.  
"I love you too." Said Rowan as she rested her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes and a contented smile played on her lips.  
Rimmer held her tightly against him and stared out towards the stars, wondering how he ever got so lucky.


	25. Chapter 25

The next few weeks on Red Dwarf were excitable indeed.  
Rowan had insisted that she and Rimmer got married before the baby was born, however Rimmer had insisted that they returned to his home planet Io until the baby was born. He had come so close to losing her and their unborn child when they encountered the rogue simulant ship that he insisted the old Rimmer family home where he grew up would be the safest place for the three of them.  
"So you're leaving Red Dwarf then?" Asked Lister, he sounded disappointed.  
"Only until the baby's born." Said Rimmer as he started packing up some of his smaller belongings into a large storage chest.  
"As soon as Rowan's up to it, we'll be coming back."  
Lister smiled and nodded. "You better do smeg head, cos I wanna teach my little neice or nephew how to play the guitar like the ghost of Hendrix!"  
Rimmer grimaced and continued packing.  
"Where are Rowan, Cat and Kryten anyway?" Asked Lister.  
Rimmer smirked. "They're down in the one of the old store rooms working on her wedding dress, I'm banned from seeing her for the rest of the day while they work on it."  
Lister laughed. "So what are you wearing then?"  
"My uniform of course." Said Rimmer like it should be obvious. "So you better spruce up as well, I won't have my best man wearing curry a stained teeshirt, scruffy curry stained trousers or anything with a curry stain for that matter."  
Lister smirked and slapped Rimmer across the back as he left the sleeping quarters.

Down in the store room on W Deck, Rowan and Cat were messing around wrapping eachother in red silk.  
"Oh Caeser Emperor of Rome." She declared as she tied a length of red silk around Cat and making it look like a toga.  
"Nah, its Cat, Emperor of the Felix-Sapiens."  
Rowan laughed. "Nah Cat, Emperor of the Smeg Heads!" She roughly pulled the silk from his body spinning him round and sending him flying into a wall.  
"Can we please concentrate on the task at hand." Asked Kryten disdainfully. "Miss Rowan you said you wanted to marry Mr Rimmer before the baby was born, unless we make progress with your wedding dress we will still be here when the baby is a year old."  
Rowan smiled, ignoring the mechanoid she climbed onto the table and strutted along it.  
"Ah yes Mrs Rimmer." She smiled airily. "Mrs Rowan Rimmer." She giggled like a naughty school girl.  
"Miss Rowan please." Begged Kryten as he fumbled to try and take her measurements.  
"Leave her be buddy." Said Cat rubbing his sore head. "You won't get any sense out of her at the moment."  
"Sorry Kryten." Smiled Rowan as she climbed down from the table and stood still while he took her measurements. "I'm just so excited."  
"I know Miss Rowan, but you must try and contain yourself, I cannot measure you for your dress if you're jiggling around."  
Rowan sighed and stood as still as a statue while Kryten took her measurements and handed them to Cat.  
"Okay, what sort of dress do you want?" Asked Cat as he held up a pair of scissors with one hand and a needle and thread with the other.  
Rowan rolled her eyes thoughtfully and smiled, she had the perfect design in mind.

As evening approached Lister headed down to the store room where the others were working and knocked on the door.  
"That best not be you Rimmer!" Yelled Rowan.  
"It's Lister." Said Lister through the sealed door.  
Cat appeared a few moments later with a huge smile on his face.  
"Come to see my handy work?" He questioned.  
"What you've finished already?" Asked Lister, he knew he shouldn't be shocked but he was. Cat and clothes went together like chicken and vindaloo.  
"So what do you think?" Asked Cat as Lister stepped into the room.  
Lister's jaw dropped like a lead weight.  
"Holy Smeg!" He gasped.  
"Well?" Asked Rowan with a nervous smile.  
Lister smiled and shook his head in disbelief.  
"You look amazing, Rimmer is one lucky git!"  
Rowan smiled and blushed, looking down at her dress.  
It was a ruby red and sat nicely on the tops of her arms, showing off her shoulders, as it reached the slight swell of her pregnant stomach it came to a point and below that it flowed gracefully outward in a floor length skirt that covered her feet.  
"I would've suggested white but I didn't think it was appropriate."  
Lister laughed. "No red suits you so much better, it really brings out your eyes."  
"Thanks. So now you've seen it do you mind leaving so I can take it off?"  
Lister blinked and shook his head, he hadn't really being seen Rowan, he'd been seeing someone else.  
Kochanski.  
"Yeah sure." He smiled and left the room closing the door behind him, with a sigh he walked away.

"Okay all we need to do now is find a registrar Sir, seen as the wedding is tomorrow I suggest we do it quickly." Said Kryten.  
Rimmer, Rowan, Lister, Cat and Kryten were all in the sleeping quarters sat round the table discussing the final preparations.  
"We could always bring back the ships registrar as a hardlight hologram." Suggested Lister.  
Rowan and Rimmer looked at eachother uncertainly.  
"Would it be official?" Asked Rowan looking at Kryten.  
"Since he is still registered to carry out his duties as a hologram then yes it would."  
Lister smiled. "Sorted, I'll go and raid through the personality disks and fire up the hologram projection suite."  
"How soon are you planning on returning to Io?" Asked Cat.  
Rimmer shrugged. "Straight away, its a long journey back there."  
"How long?" Asked Rowan nervously.  
"About three months." Said Rimmer, not liking the look on her face as he told her.  
"So I'm going to be six months pregnant by the time we reach Io?" She didn't seem impressed.  
"We'll be fine, trust me." Rimmer assured her, but even he had his doubts about how much preparation they would accomplish by the time they reached Io. Rowan wouldn't be able to do much and he didn't know the first thing about decorating a babys room.  
"Anyway," Said Lister. "Rowan your in the spare sleeping quarters nextdoor tonight, no seeing the groom before the big day it's bad luck."  
Rowan smirked as she got up to leave. "Fine by me, at least I won't have to listen to you snoring."  
Rimmer went with her and the pair stood outside for a moment.  
"I'll see you tomorrow then." Smiled Rowan.  
Rimmer smiled and gently caressed her right cheek, pulling her close he kissed her passionately.  
"See you tomorrow."  
Rowan entered the spare sleeping quarters and flopped down on the bed nearest the door, putting her hands behind her head she sighed and smiled.  
It wasn't how she saw herself spending her final night as Rowan Redfield, but the familiar phrase beggars can't be choosers sprang to mind.  
She rolled over and closed her eyes, by noon tomorrow she would be Rowan Rimmer.


	26. Chapter 26

Rimmer was the first one awake that morning.  
He sat bolt upright and stretched his arms above his head, yawning.  
A huge smile crossed his face, today was the day.  
He jumped out of his bunk and grabbed Lister's shoulders, shaking him roughly.  
"Come on Listy, wake up you gimboid!" He yelled, before bounding over to Cat's bunk.  
"Cat, you too you fish breath!"  
Cat groaned something incoherent and turned over.  
Rimmer growled under his breath and raided Lister's locker, finding his air horn.  
"WAKE UP!" He yelled as he pushed the button.  
Cat and Lister fell from their bunk and landed with an unceremonious bump on the floor.  
"Rimmer what is wrong with you man?" Questioned Lister rubbing the insides of his ears.  
"What?" Shrieked Rimmer. "Don't tell me you've forgotten."  
"Forgotten what?" Smirked Lister.  
Rimmer opened his mouth to speak but instead gave Lister a deathglare complete with narrowed eyes and flared nostrils.  
"Come on then don't just stand there." Laughed Lister finally removing his fingers from his still ringing ears.  
"I need to get dressed and get everything ready."

Next door Rowan's eyes slowly opened.  
She sat up and yawned, why was there was a ringing in her ears? she frowned. She was sure she had just heard the sound of an airhorn going off next door.  
"Did you hear anything?" She asked the swell of her stomach with a daft smirk.  
She pushed herself off the bunk and risked a glance outside.  
"Good." She smiled. "No one around."  
She sneaked off down the corridor to the shower room and ran the hot water over her head shaking her drenched hair.  
The shower room door slid open and then closed again, however this time Rowan paid it no mind putting it down to being one of the scutters.  
Then suddenly she heard singing.

When I saw you for the first time (first time)  
My knees began to quiver (quiver)  
And I got a funny feeling (feeling)  
In my kidneys and my liver (digestive system baby)  
My hands they started shakin' (shakin')  
My heart began a-thumpin' (boom, boom, boom)  
My breakfast left my body (huey, huey, huey)  
Now darling tell me something  
Why do you make me tongue tied (tongue tied) tongue tied  
Whenever you are near me? (near me)  
Tied tongue (tied tongue)  
Tied tongue (tied tongue)  
Whenever you're in town  
You make me feel a clown, girl  
Yes, you make me tongue tongue (tied tied) tongue tied  
Why can't I tell you clearly? (clearly)  
Tied tied, tongue tongue (tongue tied, tongue tied)  
Whenever you're around.

Risking a peak trhough the curtain she bit her lip to stop herself from laughing as she realised it was Cat singing in the cubicle next to her.  
Finishing her shower she quickly and as quietly as possible wrapped a towel round her and exited the room.  
As the shower door closed behind her, Rowan burst out laughing.  
"I've said it once and I'll say it again." She said to her bump as she walked back to the sleeping quarters. "That guys is a headcase!"

Down in the holgram projection suite, Lister had managed to find Registrar Matthewson's personality disk.  
"Okay let's punch you up," Smiled Lister as the shape of a short blonde haired, blue eyed man wearing a black shirt, and trousers and shoes formed around the light bee.  
"What's going on?" He asked looking around. "Where am I?"  
"Look man, we need you to conduct a wedding." Said Lister interrupting the hologram, who now turned to face him with a disgruntled look on his face.  
"You brought me back as a hologram just to conduct a wedding?" He snapped.  
Lister was about to protest when the hologram smiled and clapped his hands together.  
"Marvellous, who's the lucky couple?"  
"Rimmer and this amazing girl he's met, her names Rowan."  
The hologram burst out laughing. "Rimmer? As in Arnold Rimmer? As in the biggest loser on the ship Rimmer?"  
Lister's eyes narrowed, sure he'd hated Rimmer at the best of times but since he agreed to let him be his best man he wasn't going to hear a bad word said against him unless he said it first.  
"Yes Arnold Rimmer." Snapped Lister. "Now either you do the ceremony or I'll deactivate you!"  
Matthewson's face fell and he soon shut up.  
"Arnold Rimmer's getting married you say?" He smiled suddenly full of enthusiasm. "Well in that case lets get to the batanical gardens and prepare!"

"Miss Rowan are you awake?"  
Rowan adjusted her dress and opened the sleeping quarters door.  
"Hey guys, come on in." She smiled as Cat and Kryten came in bearing a boquet of white flowers.  
"Aw thanks." Smiled Rowan as Kryten handed her the boquet.  
"Now if memory serves you need something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue." Said Kryten.  
Rowan chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Something new, the dress. Erm, something old..." She raided her jewlery box and pulled out her silver locket with the family portait.  
"Something borrowed?" She questioned looking round.  
"Here have this, it's borrowed and it's blue!" Smiled Cat, handing her a pale blue ribbon.  
"Hey thanks Cat." She smiled as she carefully wapped it round the boquet.  
"Now then, hairstyle." Said Cat. "What am I doing?"  
Rowan shrugged. "Just straighten it out and part it to the right, maybe a few waves here and there."  
Cat nodded and began his work.  
"Oh by the way did I hear an airhorn this morning?" Asked Rowan.  
Cat muttered under his breath. "Yeah your soon to be husband woke us up with it."  
Rowan laughed. "I keep telling you I'm a bad influence on him but you won't listen."

Rimmer checked his reflection one last time before heading down to the batanical gardens on R Deck.  
His heart was hammering in his chest as he entered the lift, he never thought he'd ever find someone crazy enough to marry him but now he had it was all becoming a little bit too real.  
"Just relax Arnold, Rowan loves you she's not doing this to wind you up or hurt you." He said trying to ignore the voice in his head, the cowards voice he heard everytime he thought he was in trouble that told him to run away and not look back.  
Not this time however, he was going to ignore it. He had wanted someone to love and love him in return all his life and now he had finally found that special someone, he wasn't going to let the opportunity to be truly happy escape from him.

Rowan, Cat and Kryten left the sleeping quarters and headed towards the batanical gadrens.  
"How are you feeling Miss Rowan?" Asked Kryten.  
Rowan laughed nervously. "Like I should be running a mile in the opposite direction."  
"I'd probably feel the same way if I was about to marry laundry chute nostrils." Replied Cat.  
Rowan narrowed her eyes. "Not because of him you goit!" She snapped. "It's because I never thought I'd settle down and have a family with anyone, the reality of it all is just starting to sink in."  
"Do you need me to delay the service?" Asked Kryten.  
Rowan swallowed hard and shook her head. "No, I'm going through with this," She said, a certain boldness entering her voice. "If I can take on a Gelf with a broken arm and kill it, then I'm more than capable of spending the rest of my life with the man I love and having his baby."

Lister and Matthewson looked round as Rimmer entered the batanical gardens and strode up to the altar.  
"Hey man, you ready?" Asked Lister.  
"As I'll ever be." He smiled.  
Matthewson turned to Lister. "Do you have the rings?"  
Lister smiled and reached into his leather trousers pockets, pushing his coat tails aside as he did. He placed the two silver wedding rings into Matthewson's hardlight hand.  
Suddenly the doors opened and in walked Kryten.  
"Rowan's just outside, are you ready Sirs."  
Rimmer gulped nervously, his reply came a little too quickly and a little too high pitched. "Yes."  
Kryten nodded and inserted a disk labled "wedding march" into a small unit on his waist.

Outside Rowan and Cat heard the music start to play.  
"Here we go." Smiled Cat softly as he linked his arm with Rowan's and opened the door.  
All eyes turned to Rowan except Rimmer, who was nervously keeping his gaze on the floor.  
"Rimmer, it's okay you can see her now." Laughed Lister.  
Rimmer swallowed hard and turned his gaze to her, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped open.  
Rowan smiled nervously at him, glad that she wasn't the only one who was terrified that something would go wrong.  
A huge smile crossed Rimmer's face as Rowan came closer, she looked so beautiful.  
Cat smiled as they stopped at the altar, he stared into Rowan's eyes, gently licking her cheek earning him an affectionate scratch behind his ear.  
Matthewson smiled and nodded at Rowan before she turned her gaze to Rimmer, who just smiled at her affectionately before they both turned their attention to Matthewson.  
"Dearly beloved." Began the hologram. "We are gathered here today to join together in wedlock. Arnold Rimmer and Rowan Redfield."  
Lister fought back the urge to speak out when Matthewson asked if anyone knew why Rowan and Rimmer shouldn't marry. He somehow knew that it wasn't worth risking another beasting from Rowan's hormonal state of mind.  
Matthewson turned to Rimmer, offering him one of the silver rings.  
"Do you Arnold Judas Rimmer, take this woman. Rowan Callista Redfield, to be your wife. For as long as you both shall live?"  
"I do." Said Rimmer proudly as he placed the ring on the third finger of Rowan's left hand.  
Lister blew his nose loudly earning him a deathglare from both Rimmer and Rowan.  
Matthewson smiled and turned to Rowan, offering her the remaining ring.  
"Do you Rowan Callista Redfield, take this man Arnold Judas Rimmer to be your husband. For as long as you both shall live?"  
Rowan smiled affectionately, staring into Rimmer's dark eyes as she placed the ring on the third finger of his left hand. "I do."  
Cat sobbed loudly and hugged Lister. "Oh man I promised myself I wouldn't cry." He wailed, his voice muffled by Lister's shoulder.  
Matthewson ignored them and carried on.  
"Then by the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife, may your love remain strong and good fortune shine down upon you always. You may kiss the bride."  
"Come here Mrs Rimmer!"  
Rowan laughed as her now husband pulled her to him and placed a powerful and passionate kiss on her willing lips.  
Lister and Cat cheered loudly while Kryten threw confetti over them.

Back in the sleeping quarters Lister had insisted on making a speech.  
"Your attention please!" He yelled tapping his champagne glass with a spoon.  
"Oh smeg off Lister, no speeches!" Yelled Rimmer, leaning back in his chair. Rowan was sat in his lap with her arms round his shoulders.  
"Now as we all know," Began Lister. "Rimmer hasn't always been the most popular member of our crew, he's a completely self obsessed, self serving, irritating, cowardly, neuotic smeg head!"  
"Oi that's my husband you're talking about!" Snapped Rowan, earning her a cheer from Cat and Kryten.  
Lister smirked before carrying on. "However, he came good in the end. He met Rowan and she changed him, she had a positive effect on him and I can honestly say hand on heart." He put his hand on his chest as if to make his point known. "That we're all really happy for the pair of you and we hope that you get what you want out of life and also the best of luck on becoming parents. So would you all raise your glasses to Arnold and Rowan Rimmer, all the best."  
They all raised their glasses. "To Arnold and Rowan Rimmer."

Down in the docking bay Kryten loaded up Star Bug with supplies for Rowan and Rimmer's journey back to Io.  
"See ya soon smeg head." Smiled Lister as he awkawardly pulled Rimmer into a hug, patting him on the back.  
Rimmer smiled and pulled away. "Yeah, I would say I'm not going to miss you but I'd be lying...you insufferable git!"  
Lister laughed and hugged Rowan, kissing her on the cheek.  
"Good luck Mrs Rimmer." He smiled. "Keep in contact and let us know what your having."  
"I will." Smiled Rowan. "We'll see you in about two years time."  
"Good luck to the pair of you, I'll keep knitting those booties for you." Smiled Cat as Rowan hugged him.  
Rimmer shuddered in disgust at Cat's idea of fashionable baby clothes.  
"All your belongings are onboard Sir," Said Kryten.  
"Thanks Kryten." Said Rimmer. "Keep an eye on things while we're away, becuase if I return and things are a blood shambles, I'll be attaching jump leads to your nipple nuts!"  
Kryten shuddered but nodded.  
"See you guys in two years time!" Smiled Rowan, letting out a slight scream of shock as Rimmer scooped her up in his arms and carried her up the steps to Star Bug's cockpit.  
"Good luck!" Yelled Lister as they disappeared inside the ship.  
"It feels strange but I'm really going to miss them." Said Kryten.  
"Yeah we all will." Smiled Lister.  
Star Bugs engines fired up and the ship flew down the gangway and out into space.  
The huge silver cannisters Cat and Lister had attatched to the back of the ship clanged noisily and in big white letters on the side of the ship the words "JUST MARRIED" could be seen as it flew away.

Inside Star Bug Rowan changed out of her wedding dress and into a pair of baggy black jeans, her new rocks, and a black tank top.  
She sat in the co-pilots seat next to Rimmer and stared into space.  
"Do you reckon they'll cope without us?"  
Rimmer smiled and looked at her.  
"They'll be fine. All we need to worry about for now is the next six months, because I don't know about you but I'm terrified by the prospect of becoming a parent."  
Rowan smiled affectionately and placed her hand over his.  
"You'll be a brilliant father. I know it."  
Rimmer smiled and turned his gaze back to the stars, everything else paled into nothingness.  
The constant bullying as he was growing up, the rejection he felt from his parents and brothers, his constant failings to pass the astro navigation exam, none of that mattered anymore.  
As long as he had Rowan, his new found confidence and courage and his friends back on Red Dwarf, nothing else mattered.  
_Throw everything you've got at me! _He thought with a confident smile. _I dare you!_


End file.
